You Can't Get There From Here

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config.style.page.link.color: "green" config.style.page.link.font: "20" -- Welcome to *You Can't Get There from Here* {embed image: 'https://i.imgur.com/rJyHuo3.png'} [align center] [[Start->Origin ]]

Points: 0 Mainer: true havebag: false havebeer: false havefriends: false -- The ol' adage goes "you can't get there from here". Well chummy, I hate to be the one to tell ya this, but you're gonna have to figure out how to make it happen. [after 3s] Well? are we gettin' aftah it or what? [[Let's get aftah it->Stage1]] [[Wait.. Who's chummy, what's going on?->P1]]

Listen pal, you ask too many friggen questions, I'm starting to think you're from away. [after 2s; append] Do we have to [[start over?->Intro]]

*That's the spirit.* It's that time of year again, road construction has just wrapped up and the next Nor'easter's not due for at least another month. You've got the weekend wide open, what's your plan? 'Bout time to head [[upta camp->prep1]], I'll tell you what.

Ayuh, would be nice to spend a few days upta camp. Just got a few things that have to be sorted before you can head out. [after 3s] I'm sure [[your buds->friends]] would appreciate an invite. What's a trip upta camp without [[some brews?->beer]] When you're ready, you can [[head out.->tocamp]]

[unless havefriends] Ah yes, what's a trip upta camp without friends. Luckily your best friend [[lives right next door.]] [if havefriends] [[You've already got friends->prep1]]

[ unless havebeer ] Good call, you should swing by the store to grab a coupla beers. {embed image: 'https://i.imgur.com/XJiNLya.png'} You'd ask one of your pals to do it, but last time you sent them out for a beer run they came back $50 poorer and with four of their *craft IPAs*. Well pitter patter, where we headed? Go to [[the supermarket]] Go to [[the corner store]] [if havebeer] [[You've already got beer->prep1]]

[ if havebeer ] [if havefriends] Sounds like you got everything, time to [[go to camp]] [else] It'd be awfully foolish to show up at camp without the necessities. [[back to the drawing board chummy->prep1]]

Ah. Finally, upta camp we go. It hasn't been easy, but it's [[smooth sailing from here on out.]]

Yeah, sure pal. You got that kinda time to kill? The nearest Walmart is about 45 minutes north of here, it'd be a helluva lot easier to just swing by [[the corner store]].

Ah, the corner store; a Maine staple. Spend any time in the state and you're bound to come across one of these fine establishments. You know how to spot one, right? [[Of course I do-> Entercornerstore]] [[Give me a quick refresher]]

It's a short trip to the local corner store. An aged wood shack with a single large sign over the door that reads *BUD'S VARIETY*. {embed image: 'https://i.imgur.com/clkw9LX.png'} A few pickups are parked in every direction except straight in the small dirt lot. [[Enter]]

Nothin wrong with asking for help, fingers crossed for that other fella who plans to waltz in there like they own the place. To avoid looking foolish, here's a quick overview: A proper corner store is a dimly lit wooden shack of a building, if it looks like it was built in the past hundred years, it's not what you're looking for. The best corner stores have a large sign celebrating some obscure product, like "home of the big cookie". Now the inside of the store is a whole different subject, want a [[quick lesson]]? [[ I'm ready to head out-> Entercornerstore]]

Now, these stores aren't quite what most folk expect. It's certainly not the place you'd go for groceries, but they're great for picking up the essentials. {embed image: 'https://i.imgur.com/jdtu62e.png'} As long as your "essentials" include Oyster crackers, milk, shotgun shells, or a daunting jar of pickeled eggs. As for [[the clientele]]... [[ Thanks for the heads up-> Entercornerstore]]

Now it's not uncommon for these shops to serve as social clubs for a gaggle of old timers. They'll perch up by the counter, engrossed in conversation. I'll tell you what, if you're smart, you'll let them be. No matter what they say, it's not an invitation to join in, they're just waiting for [[you to slip up]].

These old timers can smell someone from away faster than your dog can snatch a red snapper off the ground. If they decide you're not native, you'll be stuck there all day, good luck sneaking out of that conversation. I've done all I can to help you out, [[best of luck-> Entercornerstore]]

The inside of the store is dark and smells of damp wood and cigarettes, in no small part due to the fact the cashier is enjoying a dart at this very moment. There's a cooler in the back of the store, that's where I'd head if I was [[looking for beer]].

No fancy craft micro-brews here, it may not be artisanal but it's cold and it'll do the job. Just gotta make it to [[the counter]], you're doing great so far.

A few old timers are having a loud conversation at the counter, a few of them even look up at you. {embed image: 'https://i.imgur.com/w3qsGod.png'} One old timer lifts his chin up at you. [[*He must be inviting me to join in*]] [[Return the gesture, say nothing]]

Points: Points -1 Mainer: true Luck: 0 -- "Howdy" you say, stepping up to the counter. The old timers smirk. They continue their conversation. Some of it sounds like it might even be in English. [[speak up]]

Points: Points +1 Mainer: true Luck: 0 havebeer: true -- Clearly you're from this neck of the woods. The old timers talk amongst themselves, you know better than to get involved. You place your beer on the counter, pay, and head out the door. [[You now have beer for your trip.->prep1]]

Bold move to get so involved in this conversation. Everything seems to be going well so far, but I feel like I should warn you, if you're not careful you'll be here all day. [[What do you mean, careful?]]

I just mean to say, these fellas get a real kick out of wasting your time if you're from away. You.. are from Maine, right? [[Yeah, of course]] [[No, is that a problem?->Yeah, of course]]

I only ask because hopping into this conversation instead of just shootin the ol' yankee nod is a bit... out of character. Hopefully we can get you out of here before the sun goes down. Let's just run you through [[a few things real quick]], before these old timers seal your fate.

Let's say mothah asks you to pick up some bugs for suppah on your way home from work. [[I stop down by the docks, best to get em fresh]] [[You eat bugs??]]

Points: Points +1 -- [[On to the next question-> question 2]]

Points: Points -1 -- [[On to the next question-> question 2]]

If you were headed to Machias, you'd be headed... [[Down east]] [[To the east coast]]

Points: Points +1 -- [[Next Question]]

Points: Points -1 -- [[Next Question]]

List the seasons in Maine [[Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall]] [[Winter, Fool's Spring, Second Winter, Mud, Road Construction]]

Points: Points -1 -- [[Last one]]

Points: Points +1 -- [[Last one]]

"Wicked" means.. [[Evil, or relating to witchcraft]] [[Very, or extremely]]

Points: Points -1 -- [[Let's circle back]]

Points: Points +1 -- [[Let's circle back]]

[ if Points>=2 ] Alright, I think you're in the clear. Even if you're from away, you got a good way of covering it up. Let's get on with it. [[Back to the counter->Return the gesture, say nothing]] [ else] There's no easy way to put this, [[I don't think you're gonna make it upta camp...]]

Listen, I've been rooting for you, but there's only so much I can do as an omnipresent narrator. These old timers can tell you're not from around here, and Hell will freeze over before they let you out of [[this conversation]].

The old timers continue talking. "Do you know why we call 'em bugs? ... we used to feed 'em to prisoners" "Did you know hotdog buns are cut the other direction in the rest of the country?" "Wanna now why it's called going down east? it's an ol' sailors term..." Your ears begin to ring, your vision becomes fuzzy. The sun is setting. There's no hope of getting out of here, you're damned to hear old Maine tales for the forseeable future, probably the same tales a few times over. This is the end of the road for you, better luck next year... [[END->Intro]]

It's a 4 mile drive up the road to your friend's place. [[Best be on our way]] [[Lemme just check the truck first]]

It's a pretty smooth trip to your pal's. If the roads were paved it'd be even smoother, but hey, who am I to complain. [[Onward]]

Look at you, being all responsible and such. You've got plenty of gas. Windshield is still cracked from that last Nor'easter, good to see nobody's tried to fix that yet. [[Best be on our way]] [[Should check the trunk while we're at it]]

Everything seems accounted for. [[Best be on our way]] [[Double Check]]

havebag: true -- Well shit, would you look at that. Nearly forgot your sleeping bag. I'll tell you what, you'd be in a real ugly mood if you had to go the night without one of those. [[Best be on our way]]

On your way over, you get to thinkin. You don't even particularly like this fella. But I mean, [[it makes sense that you're friends.]]

Sure he's a bit of a peckah-head, but I mean, at least his house has got heat. Between that and being the only other person your age in a 10 mile radius, [[you make it work.]]

It certainly doesn't hurt that his cousin is the only gal in the county that isn't *your* cousin too. That's all besides the point though, [[we're almost there]].

You pull into your pal's lot, he's already waiting for you in the dooryard. [["you about ready?"]]

Your pal tells you he's just got to grab a few pieces of firewood from the shed, you should probaby [[go help him]]. Then you should be all set.

The woodshed is piled high, rows of wood stacked in chords, just above your head. {embed image: 'https://i.imgur.com/y6E815Q.png'} [[grab a piece off the ground]] [[grab a piece off the stack]]

Yeah.. You'd think that'd be the [[safer option right?]]

Best to keep your head up, last thing you want is one of those slabs rolling off the stack when you bend over to pick one off the ground. You reach up above your head and pull a [[few pieces off the stack.]]

Well, your fate is sealed. You can hear a slab of wood sliding off the stack, well above your head. You've got a split second to react. [[Get hit in the head with a log]] [[Get hit on the foot with a log]]

Sometimes it's best to just accept it. You freeze. As you brace for impact, you hear the log drop [[free from the stack.]]

Sorry big shooter, there's some things you just can't control in this life. The log falls free and promptly smacks you [[right in the head.]]

*plop* [after 3s] Well that was an awful fuss over nothing. The log falls behind you, missing you entirely. [[Carry on->few pieces off the stack.]]

Ayuh, that's gonna be quite the goose egg. You might wanna sit this trip out, you're in no shape to be driving. I'm sure you'll bounce right back, till then though, I'm sure your pal's got some frozen peas to ice that lump on your dome. [[Better luck next time->Intro]]

havefriends: true -- You and your pal load your truck up with enough wood for the night. Everything seems to be sorted. Your friend is ready to tag along, you can pick up another friend or two [[on the way->prep1]]

Just you, your pals, some brews, and the open road for the next 4 hours. It's a good thing you grabbed everything, there's [[no stores up here for miles.]]

And you're already a few hours deep in this drive, your friends would never let you turn around at this point, the trip would be a total bust. You did remember [[*everything*, right?]]

You and your friends made it to your camp site. The remote Maine wilderness is calm and quiet. One of your friends starts the fire while the other starts unloading their chairs, the cooler, and their tents. The weather is pretty nice for the time being, but it is Maine afterall, don't get comfortable or it'll change on you. [[Unload your stuff]]

What a lovely night, what else could you possibly need. [after 3s] [[Wait]]

You did grab your sleeping bag right? [after 3s] [[I'm sure I did]]

[unless havebag] Uh oh. [[That's not good.]] [else] Of course you did, who would head upta camp without one. [[Enjoy your night!]]

You forgot your sleeping bag? That's like the one thing you absolutely need! Why didn't you check the truck? [["YOU DIDNT TELL ME TO"]]

You couldn't ask for a better night. Write this one off as a victory fellers. Against all odds, you certainly got there from here. [[It's a good time to be upta camp.]]

Listen, I'm just the narrator, I don't have a say in all your personal responsibilities. Seriously, it should go without saying you gotta grab a sleeping bag. [[I'm sure it'll be fine]]

Oh absolutely, it's a great night, it shouldn't be too big of a deal. [[wait... what was that?]]

[[Is that..]]

Is that a snowflake? It's snowing! Well, that's the weather in Maine for you. Give it 10 minutes, I'm sure it'll change again. [[You're in for a cold one tonight bud]]

Ayuh, don't you look foolish. While your pals were smart enough to bring their sub-zero bags, you're laying on the ground in your bean boots and carhartt. Not exactly fancy livin. Well, fingers crossed for you fellers, with any luck you'll make it though the night. Next time, check the truck before you commit to a drive like that chummy. [[END->Intro]]

[align center] Congratulations! You made it. {embed image: 'https://i.imgur.com/tcTPAee.png'} [align center] Thank you for playing! If you're a real glutton for suffering, [[play again->Intro]]