A very brief WIP- im a little bit behind in this class simply because I couldnt decide on my format. I further developed my World Anvil Format and added a brief timeline and a few other things but later decided to work on adobe spark so I will post the very rough draft of my adobe spark here but you will find most of my information under, articles and timeline in World Anvil.
Here is the link to world anvil (note find timeline and articles) – https://www.worldanvil.com/w/crytogam-parkerking
Link to work in progress adobe spark –
https://express.adobe.com/page/Ov6VrFKMbHXlD/
I commented on Stellas story which was written very well –
Revision– I added “the waves crashed against the tree roots, and the women climbed the tree almost by instinct, as they ancestors had during the great flood that lured them out of their underground homes” into my scene 1. I didn’t make to many revisions here but one of your comments stood out to me.
“Make this a first encounter of Ivy with aliens in which she encounters the antagonist–a brief encounter which raises questions for both of them; a skirmish, not yet a battle, as they get to know each others motive..yet ominous.”
One of the first times one of the grounder members runs into an invader it is odd and mysterious. The stranger lingers and then silently disappears into the woods this adds depth and foreshadowing while entertaining the reader.
Conflict- Although only the beginning of a much larger conflict, I do think it will be interesting. Your conflict invites creativity and originality. I love how a smaller conflict can be seen at the end where Katya is clearly more focused on work and money than her own health which furthers her character development but has the potential to cause larger conflict in the future.
Desire – I can note that Katya’s desire is more geared towards school, work, and money whereas Silvia’s is her compassion and love for her friends and probably family. I would like to see the larger desire more developed.
Character – You do a great job introducing these characters- It further adds to the scenery and I can totally see the opening scenes as i’m reading them. I assume there will be more characters after the (bright light) incident occurred. How many other characters do you have and how well will they add to the story. Right now I think the story with two characters is working well, they have known each other for a while and seem to have a life long bond. I can see you introducing an antagonist but I do think your main character protagonist is very clear.
Media/interactivity – I know this is a wip- however i’m very excited to see what visuals you will add into this. Are you planning on adding sound, photos or even videos?
Emotional effect – You have a really strong writing style. Have you ever thought about writing books? The way you have your scenes worded speaks for itself. Although it is the first few scenes and not too much emotional value can be added, it can be noted that Silvia cares for Katya and her accomplishments . As a girl I can fully recognize their bond and appreciate how these two characters were introduced.
World-building – Your imagery is strongest in the beginning paragraphs but is also present throughout. I think you set the tone for your world but also teased the readers with a taste from another world (literally)! I cant wait to read more!