For some reason my timeline might display “error 404.”
2 thoughts on “Tyler Layton – Task 9”
Katie Stewart
Hey Ty, I love the concept of your story! I think the conflict is very relatable I could picture everything in my head very clearly. I love how the images show who the people of this community look like. I think having the main character also be the mayor is such a good POV for this story. Towards the end, you almost feel what the mayor is feeling and I started to root for him. So far I think this story is very intriguing and I can’t wait to see what happens next!
Lot of work done here; I think the first thing that will greatly improve this is to tighten up the prose of the different entries and alleviate some clunky wording to make things flow better. You’ve got some firm ideas, but I still have questions. Why is it called Neckvillie? Is it a very isolated town? Why is such a modern way of naming a town “something”-ville used by a “primal” society? Has Neckvillie stayed one self-identified society for all this time? It says that the people of Neckvillie went from being “primal” to electing a leader through democracy, that seems very vague a way to describe an important transition in your world’s timeline that could really use more information.
If I’m understanding the worldbuilding right, the robbery at the coffee shop was the first real crime in town after all this time? If so, why did they have the police as a system already set up? The police as we know it didn’t start to come into existence until the late 1800s due to the need of the corporate elite to protect their business from their workers and found deeper roots from the early 1800s slave catchers. Neckvillie seems to have a very different history to us, how did the police as a societal construct come to be in such a place? You’ve got a good story growing here, but these are some world building points I didn’t quite see expounded upon as much as they needed to be.
Hey Ty, I love the concept of your story! I think the conflict is very relatable I could picture everything in my head very clearly. I love how the images show who the people of this community look like. I think having the main character also be the mayor is such a good POV for this story. Towards the end, you almost feel what the mayor is feeling and I started to root for him. So far I think this story is very intriguing and I can’t wait to see what happens next!
Lot of work done here; I think the first thing that will greatly improve this is to tighten up the prose of the different entries and alleviate some clunky wording to make things flow better. You’ve got some firm ideas, but I still have questions. Why is it called Neckvillie? Is it a very isolated town? Why is such a modern way of naming a town “something”-ville used by a “primal” society? Has Neckvillie stayed one self-identified society for all this time? It says that the people of Neckvillie went from being “primal” to electing a leader through democracy, that seems very vague a way to describe an important transition in your world’s timeline that could really use more information.
If I’m understanding the worldbuilding right, the robbery at the coffee shop was the first real crime in town after all this time? If so, why did they have the police as a system already set up? The police as we know it didn’t start to come into existence until the late 1800s due to the need of the corporate elite to protect their business from their workers and found deeper roots from the early 1800s slave catchers. Neckvillie seems to have a very different history to us, how did the police as a societal construct come to be in such a place? You’ve got a good story growing here, but these are some world building points I didn’t quite see expounded upon as much as they needed to be.