In My Lifetime

The sudden shatter of breaking glass jolted her awake. Looking around the dark room she fumbled for the light. She hears someone fumbling for the doorknob and she freezes. The hair on the back of her neck raised as the reality of what was out there hit her. Her head kept telling her to run, scream, do something but her body wouldn’t listen. She knew if she let out any noise it would only make it worse.

“Honey I’m home.” A wobbly voice, with the thickest irish brogue, spoke rudely interrupting the perfect silence. Still she did not move. She could hear him shuffling, drunkenly, to find the bed. She prayed he never would but he always did no matter how drunk he was.

She felt the bed springs lower and creak as he made his way up the bed. He shook her awake. She tried not to move. He shook her harder and she knew for her own sake she should wake up.

“It’s 3 in morning, we should really be going to bed. I can make you a cup of coffee?” She said pulling the covers off herself to stand. He reached his arm across and stopped her from getting up. Her body becoming rigid from the fear of knowing what was coming. He started kissing her neck as she shivered, knowing not to move away as she so wish she could.

“I missed yer t’da baby.” He spoke into her ear as the stench of whiskey reached her nose. He started to reach down her body and she instinctively made a move to pull away. His hand shot instantly to her throat. She sputtered trying to breath as her hands clawed at his to try, with no hope which she knew from experience, to break free.

“Yer don’t want me. I t’ought yer’d do anyone you little whore.” His words stung her numb body as she struggled for air. She just wanted it to be over. Maybe he’ll do it this time. Maybe he’ll end her pain and she can finally be at peace away from him. She let her hands fall to the bed as she came to terms with her coming peace. She had no more fight left, not this time.

He let go of her throat and threw her down onto the bed. He reached down and pulled up a sock from under the bed. Her stomach sank as she realized he knew.

“So, yer had that bastard over. Huh you dirty slut. An’ yer wonder why the hell I drink? Well he won’t be needen you anymore because yer mine remember. Yea those pesky little vows yer said! Fait’ful? Is dat ringing any bells fer yea? Or that particular line’s me favorite, till death sweetheart, and you best bet I’m not gunna go first.” He reached into the drawer next to the bed and her heart rate quickened. This really was the end. Suddenly, as if it was not her own will, she bolted towards the door. She knew she had one chance to leave him and this was it and she was taking it. She before she felt it. She was finally free.

I reached across the table to the giant pile of paper, searching for the one document I needed for work. A young blonde sat down in the seat next to me and handed me a cup of tea.

“Thanks, Hailey I needed this. I can’t find that stupid paper with that guys comments I got from the interview I did earlier.” I said sipping my tea. Hailey reached over to the pile and pulled out the paper I was looking for.

“You know this could be a metaphor for your life you know.” Hailey said, trying her best to organize my never ending paperwork. I rolled my eyes at her as I started to typing up my article.

“Have you heard from Josh?” Hailey asked, placing the now organized pile back on the table. I shook my head trying to focus my attention on my article due at noon, but I couldn’t help but feel saddened every time I hear his name.

Josh and I had been engaged before I broke it off  4 months ago. We started dating during college and were inseparable ever since. He was deployed our senior year and it was a rocky time. He became distant, not just physically distant but he kept things from me. I could feel the pain in his voice, but every time I tried to get close he would shut down. So when he finally returned home I was ready to feel close to him again. But it never happened. He needed help and wouldn’t get it. And a couple times it went too far and I had to get out. It broke my heart and his but I could no longer help him.

“I see, well, did you go check out that farmhouse that you liked?” Hailey asked sipping her coffee.

“Yes actually! See I am getting my life together, slowly but I am!” I answered blinking away the tears that were brought on by the thought of Josh. “I actually just sent in the paperwork for it today and the realtor said she should get back to me by the end of the day! Which means,” I picked up my cup of tea and raised it in the air. “That I will be off your couch by the end of the week if the credit check checks out, which is should.” Hailey smiled sipping her own tea. I smiled back but my stomach fluttered as I could see the sadness she had for me in her eyes.

I trudged into the kitchen slowly, losing my grip on the box. I quickened my pace making it to the table and placing it down just in time. This place is going to take forever to fix. The electrician still hadn’t come in to fix the outdated wiring. I wiped the bead of sweat from my forehead as Hailey walked in with a couple more boxes.

“Where do you want these?” She asked through a strained voice. I pointed over by the table. Mindlessly I walked to the sink and started pushing the old fashioned handle on the sink.

“Crap I forgot Will hasn’t stopped by yet.” I said as Hailey tossed me a bottled water. I smiled opening it, letting the cold refreshing water hit my dry throat. This old farmhouse had a few dust bunnies that were definitely getting to me.

“Olivia, what’s in this box? It looks like old paperwork?” Hailey asked starting to riffle through the box,  pulling out a few pages, beginning to read. Curious, I moved over and reached into the box. It was an old birth certificate. The name and dates were slightly faded with time but you could faintly make out a first name, Vera. I reached in again and pulled out an old envelope. Jonathan Fitzpatrick was the name on the return address.

“Jonathan Fitzpatrick well that’s as Irish as you could get” I  asked handing the envelope over to Hailey. She put the paperwork in her hand down and grabbed the awaiting envelope. She  opened the  letter quickly scanning the handwritten message.

“Kinda cool isn’t? Like looking into the windows of the house back in it’s hay day, when.” She looked down at the paper. “Jonathan and Vera lived here!” She reached into the box pulling out old greying photos. They were mostly of the old farmhouse with what must have been the original owners. I reached for one in her hand. It was of an older man and what I assumed to be his daughter, standing proud on the front porch next to a telephone box. Which back in that day must have cost one hell of a pretty penny. I turned putting the letter back motioning to Hailey out the door for more boxes.

Around 7 o’clock we called it a nigh. Both of us falling into the couch as Hailey handed me a beer as she cracked into her own placing her head on my shoulder.

“Cheers to you Olivia, you’re nowhere near done! But on the bright side I can have my couch back. ” She chuckled as she raised her glass to meet mine. I shrugged her head off my shoulder as a yeah-yeah-I-know sentiment. And to be honest I was happy, I finally did something I wanted to do. Of course I felt overwhelmed with the amount of work I still had to do and the simple fact that I had no idea what I was doing, I was still happy.

I opened the fridge peering in for something to make for dinner. It was a warm summer evening and the electricity had been turned on but the stove was not hooked up. So salad it is, I thought reaching in for the lettuce.

I had been moved in for about a week and slowly things were finding their place in this new adventure. Sometimes so well I couldn’t find them. As I chopped the vegetables, I found myself thinking about the previous owners. Who they were, what their dreams were, and what happened to them. The reason she had been so drawn to this fixer upper was, as odd as this sounded, the windows. To me they seemed to hide a mysterious past and as a writer my mind whirled with the possibilities.

Lost in my own thoughts, I hadn’t noticed two new visitors to my yard till something out the front window caught my eye. A golden tail was wagging itself back and forth as flecks of dirt flew up into the air. Concerned, I ran out the screen door allowing it to slap behind me as I made my way onto the porch.

“Kingdom, no. Bad dog. Come here.” An elderly man with a cane yelled from the driveway. He raised his hand in a friendly wave as I smiled and waved back. The dog, a beautiful young golden retriever came bounding at me. I bent down to pet her golden coat as the old man walked up the path.

“Well howdy neighbor!” He said cheerfully reaching down and patting Kingdom on the back.

“Why hello there, Kingdom is it?” The dog barked and panted as I scratched under her chin.

“She’s a handful, but she keeps me young.” The old man said chuckling to himself as he watched Kingdom jump around as I played with her.

“She is a beautiful dog, eh,” I paused.

“John, dear. I live right up the road. Lived there for about 45 years now ain’t it.” He stated placing his thumbs in his red suspenders. I stood reaching my hand out to shake his.

“Olivia, nice to meet you John, I just moved in as you probably already know! But it’s great to finally meet a friendly face!”

“Oh dear we’re all friendly here! You’re in Maine after all and even more you’re in Friendship, Maine! So what brings you around these parts?” He asked watching Kingdom who had just realized there was a bird in a tree and was currently barking at it.

“Oh you know the same old story I’m sure. Just need a change of pace.” I answered watching Kingdom as well. John turned to look at the house and sighed. I followed his gaze to the bedroom window. “Did you know the previous owners?” I asked curiously.

“Oh years ago. Use to know em pretty well actually.” John said his thoughts clearly drifting off to another point in time.

“Oh do you know where they are by any chance? I found an old box of stuff. It’s filled with old pictures and like old important documents and I’d love to return it to them!” I asked trying not to sound like I was snooping.

“Oh no dear, they are long since gone. And I fear that,” He paused and looked up into the window that the bedroom again. “That I have long, long since lost contact.” He said. I could hear the hidden pain in his voice which only peaked my curiousity. I wanted to press further for more information but the silence after his statement made it seem a little inappropriate.

“Well it’s been great chatting with you dear but I, eh should be headin back. My grandson’ll be over soon and he’ll start to worry if his old man ain’t where he left me!” We both chuckled as I walked with John and Kingdom down the walk. I waved as I watched the two walk up the road, Kingdom’s swishing golden tail and John slow gait following side by side.

Reaching into the cabinet I pulled out cabernet, pouring myself a glass. It had been one hell of a day at work and I was rewarding myself. The sun had fully slipped below the trees as I walked out onto the porch. It was a warm summer evening so I welcomed the soft breeze I got from swinging on the white wicker porch swing I had installed this past weekend.

I reached into the box I had found the first day I was here. This was the first time I had had some down time to actually read what was in it. It was filled with old greying photos and a birth certificate. I blew off some dust that had accumulated on the certificate and read the name. ‘Vera Day’. Interesting name, nothing to special but still very beautiful.

A gust of wind blew lose one of the photos from my hand and I quickly snatched it before it got too far. It was a wedding photo. The young couple standing outside the front door of the farmhouse smiling and waving. I flipped it over to see if the owner had left any notes. Penned in black ink on the back was Declan and Vera wedding 1940.

Well one mystery was solved in my head. I had names to the faces I imagined living and loving here. And from what I could tell from this photo they were very happy. I flipped to the next photo in the stack and this was of a young man, handsome and rugged, naive yet wise to things he shouldn’t be. He was standing by an old fishing boat, that faintly read, ‘Day’s Fisheries’ And just like the last I flipped it over to find the same black pen inscribed out the words, ‘Jonathan 1936 caught the big one’. He too looked just as happy as the couple, roughly the same age from what I could tell.

‘BUZZZZZZ, BUZZZZZ’ I jumped knocking some wine from my glass and splashing red onto the wood porch. I looked down at my phone and say a name I did not want to see. I took a big gulp, a deep breath and answered.

“Hello”

“Babe, I miss you.” I could hear the hiccups after he had finished speaking.

“Josh, why are you calling me. You’re drunk.” My voice cracked as I held back the tears.

“So what. I’m a fucking man I can have a drink or two. But that’s not why I called, I’ll change babe. Just come back it’s lonely,”

“No.” I said firmly cutting him off. It was always the same old same. He would say he would change and like an idiot I came back well not this time. I can’t, if I truly loved him which I do, I just can’t.

“But babe, I’ll get the help I need. I went down to the VA today and they told me about great places I could go.”

“Josh I know you’ve looked that’s all you’ve ever done. But you need help. PTSD is a real issue that you could hurt yourself or,” I stopped talking knowing from experience the next words I spoke could be triggers.

“I don’t fucking have PTSD just get angry now and then but I can deal with it. I can really deal with it this time hun, I know I can just trust me and come home.” Josh pleaded through his slurring and hiccuping.

“No Josh. I’m gone. You need help and I couldn’t help you. Please get help then call me.” I responded through the tears that had finally started to fall.

“Fuck you bitch. Never needed you anyway. And annnd and wanna know what! I was NEVER in love you. Nope never. Could not have cared any less about you then those fucking sand-ni,” I hung up the phone before he could finish. I knew this wasn’t him, but he refused to get help to bring back the man she loved.

“Why won’t you work you stupid piece of machinery!” I yelled in exhaustion kicking the old tire on the even older lawnmower I had inherited with the property. I had been trying, with no luck, to get this thing to start for over an hour and I was about to run away from it screaming. I took one last deep breath and turned the key. I heard the engine start trying to get it to flip. I pressed the gas to try and help it along but it was no use. I started to slap at the steering wheel in a very immature manner but I didn’t care I was over it. I finally laid my head down in defeat to the mowing Gods.

Suddenly I felt something wet touch my ankle which jolted me awake. I almost fell over backwards trying to get away from gross unknown wet thing touching my leg. Quickly I looked down just in time to see a swishing golden tail disappear to the other side of the mower.

“Goodness Kingdom, you about gave me a heart attack!” I joked as Kingdom sat down and looked up at me panting and smiling. I hopped off the ancient beast and went over to pet Kingdom who instantly rolled over and made me scratch her tummy.

“Oh sorry is she bothering you?” A voice said coming up to us.

“Oh no John, oh sorry you’re not,” I started to splutter as I realized I was not talking to the elderly man I had met yesterday but a very shirtless and very toned young man.

“Eric, I’m John’s eh, grandson.” He said sticking out his hand to shake. “Looks like you’re having a bit of trouble?”

“Oh no, not at at all. I like to come out here on my days off and just sit on my fancy lawn ornament.” We both chuckled as I moved aside to let him check the mower. He turned the key and it made the exact same noise it had when I had tried. He went around to the front of the mower and raised the John deer green hood and peered inside. I tried to watch over his shoulder so I wouldn’t be this completely helpless female again but he started moving this thingy and that thingy and I got lost. Mostly because I had no idea what a thingy was.

“Looks like you just had a wire unconnect. Real easy fix.” Eric said returning to the hood to the closed position and trying the motor again. It roared to life as Kingdom, startled started to bark at it. Eric and I both laughed as he shut it off.

“Thank you, I was about ready to push it off a cliff. Uhm, would you like some lemonade or something?” I asked feeling awkward at my forwardness.

“Actually I’d love a glass eh,” Eric paused.

“Olivia! I’ll go run into the house and grab a glass then.” I smiled brushing dirt of my hands and clothes in a vain attempt to make myself presentable.

As we both sat and sipped on the porch I was surprised at how easy the conversation came between. He was so easy going and kind that I never questioned what I should say or ask or even answer. Talking with someone hadn’t been like that in a long time. Even with Hailey you had to be careful of what to say because certain things would just upset her and end in a fight.

“So you’re a military man?” I asked noticing the sempre fi tattoo on his bicep.

“Yes ma’am deployed with ⅖ Helmand in 2012.” Eric answered drinking his lemonade.

“My, uhm, ex was a Marine as well. Deployed with the 1/25 in 2011. Can I ask you a personal question? He came back, different and I uhm looked the signs up online and they all point to PTSD but he won’t get help, how,”

“You can’t help him if that was going to be the rest of your question.” Eric cut me off, I could tell the question had made him a little tense. “He won’t listen to anyone till something happens. He thinks he can hide it, or deal with it on his own.” Eric stopped talking and finished the rest of drink and placed the empty cup on the table next to him.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to bring up old wounds just,”

“No, no don’t worry about. I should be heading back though, John’ll be wondering where Kingdom’s run off to.” The dog peaked it’s head up at the sound of her name and bounded over. “Thanks for the lemonade Olivia. I’ll see ya around.”

Eric stood and stretched heading down the stairs off the porch. I watched as he ran with Kingdom back up the road to John’s place. As I brought the dishes to the kitchen sink I could almost have kicked myself. How could have been so pushy?! Like who asks those types of questions and or brings up an ex! Isn’t that like rule one of dating?

I sat down on the porch swing flipping mindlessly through this week’s issue of People only stopping and reading the articles of the faces I knew. It had been a slow weekend renovation wise, the electrician had hooked the stove up, the microwave had come in and was installed. But other than those few things I really hadn’t done much and to be honest I was completely fine with that.

I looked up from my magazine to see Kingdom bustling pell mell towards me. I stood sensing something was wrong because I could not see Eric or John with her. She ran up onto the porch and nipped at my hand and head back down the steps. I followed a pit starting to grow in my stomach.

Following the dog at a full sprint to keep up we finally made it to John’s house. The front door was wide open and swaying in the stiff evening summer breeze. I bolted up the steps and into the kitchen. I turned my head to see John sprawled on the floor.

Running to his side I felt for a heartbeat. It was faint but there, I prayed a silent thank you and dialed 911.

“911 what is your emergency” The operator answered with ease.

“Yes I have an elderly man passed out. He does have a faint heartbeat please hurry! We’re at 126 Perly Road, Friendship. Again please please hurry.” I screamed into the phone trying to stay as calm as Kingdom who had laid down next to John with her head on his back.

“We will dispatch an ambulance to that address immediately please stay calm. Do you need me to stay on the line?” The operator asked trying to keep me calm.

“No I need to call his grandson. Thank you please hurry.” I clicked end on my phone. I looked around the kitchen. Eric’s number must be around here somewhere. And with luck by the phone I saw his number and dialed. It ran five times and went to voicemail.

“Eric, it’s Olivia, John’s neighbor down the road. There’s been an accident. An ambulance is on the way. Meet us at Miles Memorial. My number is 555-9846.”

I stared around the waiting room, tugging at my sleeves. A nervous habit I use to have a child, for some odd reason it calmed me. I looked to my right to see that Kingdom was still there. And she was, laying on the floor with her eyes on the door waiting for her master to come back. She actually calmed me a little as I reached down to pat her on the head.

Kingdom jumped as Eric came bursting into the waiting room. We made eye contact he came right over and hugged me. We bother quickly separated as Kingdom awaited patiently for Eric to acknowledge her.  He reached down and patted her on the top of the head just as the doctor came out of the swinging doors. We all stood and rushed to him.

“Are you family?” The doctor asked looking up from his clipboard at Eric.

“I’m his, uh, grandson in law.” Eric said quickly as I looked at him in surprise. But I didn’t have much time to ponder this because the doctor went right into it.

“He made it through fine. The medication he’s taking for his heart is thinning his blood, causing him fall asleep. This is what caused him falling.” The doctor said dryly as he flipped through his paperwork as he continue. “I’ve set up an appointment with his cardiologist to clear up that matter, however, he will be tired so don’t strain him too much. We’re going to keep him overnight just to make certain no other complications occur. Other than those few things I don’t see any other reasons why you can’t go in and say hi.” Eric shook the doctor’s hand thanking him.

We walked slowly through the hall, people passed by us and smiled, but you could tell they wanted out just as much as I did. I hated hospitals ever since I was a kid. Just the idea of how many people suffer in places like this. I know it’s a place where you go to get better, but it still makes me shiver. We knocked on John’s door; we heard a weak voice answer.

John was lying there, as pale as the sheets that covered his body. He smiled as Eric and I moved into the room. Despite his poor vision, there was still a light in his eyes.

“Come here Eric and give me a hug my boy.” Eric moved to the side of the bed, leaning in to place a huge hug onto the fragile old man. “You too Olivia dear. From what I hear you’re the angel that saved me.” I blushed as I walked over to hug him. Kingdom jumped up onto the bed and laid her head on John’s lap as he mindlessly stroked her head.

“How’ve you two been?” John chuckled as he pushed himself up to sit in the bed. Eric started to talk about random things while I looked around the room. The look of the place seemed cold and cruel. The only hints of happiness were the streaks of sunlight through the window.

As I got to John’s bed stand, I noticed a photo lying hidden a bit by a book there. I assumed it was his wife, Caroline, but as I got a closer look, I noticed that I recognized the woman but couldn’t place her for the life of me.

“John, who is that?” I questioned as I picked up the photo and handing it him. He held the photo in his hand and smiled, but his eyes held the same hidden pain I noticed the first day I met him. And then it hit me, this was the same girl in the pictures back at the farmhouse!

“Just a wonderful old friend my dear. Beautiful isn’t she.” John handed me back the picture, and I returned it to where I had found it. My curiosity kicked in, was he the Jonathan in the photo? If so why is he being so evasive?

“Her name is Vera isn’t it? She use to live in the farmhouse didn’t she?” I inquired trying not to sound offensive.

“Very sharp you are my dear. Yes, her name was Vera, and she did infact live in the old farmhouse.” He said lost in memory. Eric reached for the photo and stared at it for a few moments.

“You’ve never talked about a Vera ya old dog” Eric winked, handing the graying photo to John.

John’s wrinkled hands felt over the photograph as if to feel her. He looked out the window and I wasn’t sure if I should disrupt his daydream. Then he started to speak.

“Isn’t much left to tell with that story, son.” John said placing the photo back into the book. No one spoke for a few moments as we all tried to take in this new information.

“John, I have a bunch of old like photo’s and her birth certificate and even some old licenses. If you want I can drop them off at your place for you to have? Especially the photos! There are some of what I assume to be you!” I said excited by the fact that I solved the story that had been nagging me since I bought the house. And even more excited that I could have someone who actually knew her tell me about her and the happy times they shared at the farmhouse.

“No.” John said sternly. Thrown off guard by his abruptness I just stood there speechless. “I mean, I’m sorry dear it just brings up old wounds that have been healed for many many years.”

“I, I, uhm, I’m sorry, I, I, didn’t know” I stammered wanting to run from the room and cry. We all again sat in silence. I sure as hell was not going to speak because I was more than mortified that I insulted this man.

“What happened?” Eric finally piped up. John almost glared at Eric but his tone instantly softened. “You never actually talk about your childhood. Or I’ve never heard any stories in the whole time I’ve known you.” Eric stated scratching Kingdoms ear. I was instantly reminded of Eric calling himself John’s grandson-in-law to the doctor.

“Because it is not a story worth telling.” John answered stubbornly.

“Well to you it might not be but to me I’m pretty damn curious.” Eric answered without quivering unlike me who still wanted to run away.

“You’re a stubborn asshole you know that Eric.” John chuckled tapping the top of Eric’s hand.

“I learned from the best Pop.” Eric smiled winking at John. “So Olivia will bring the pictures to the house tomorrow and we’ll have dinner and you can tell us all the gory details.” Eric looked at me for an okay and I nodded in approval.

“Hello!” I sing songed into the screen door as Eric came to open it for me. Eric lead me into the kitchen where he was busy cooking dinner. It smelled delish. He clearly knew how to cook unlike me who was never great in the culinary field.

“Where’s John?” I asked setting the photobook I had made for him on the counter and hopping onto one of the stools by the granite covered island where Eric was preparing the salad.

“Oh he’s just taking a quick nap before dinner.” Eric said tossing in some carrots he had just chopped up. I looked around at the kitchen. It looked alot like mine. Except with more modern things put in like the sink was an actual sink and not one that looked like an old push pump style.

“Is there anything I can help with?” I asked reaching into the bowl and pulling out a green pepper to nibble on. He playfully swatted my hand away from the bowl and I quickly put it in my mouth smiling at him.

“There is something you can help with, red or white?” He asked walking over to a very well stocked wine cabinet.

“How about white, something sweet and fruity.” I answered springing off the stool to grab two long stem glasses from rack above the sink and place them gently on the island. Eric popped the cork and poured the wine into the awaiting glasses.

“So how’s work been?” Eric asked handing me my glass that I graciously accepted.

“Oh you know work. It took something I enjoyed writing, and turned it into a task with a drill sergeant called my boss.” I joked taking a sip of my wine and placing it on the counter.

“Sounds about right. My job turned my love of shooting people into shooting bad people with an actual drill sergeant.” Eric joked looking up and smiling as I choked on my wine from laughing. “I’m kidding of course, dinner should be ready within like the next five minutes or so.” Eric said turning around to check the pots on the stove.

“And where’s the bathroom?” I asked placing my wine on the island and looking around for a sign of a bathroom.

“Just through the living room, it’s the door on the right can’t miss it.” Eric said over his shoulder as he stirred his various pots with expertise.

As I walked from the kitchen into the living room I noticed all the pictures that were covering the walls. I decided to stop and look at a few. They were of John and his family. His wife was a beautiful brunette with a very 50’s bob haircut and from what I can tell he had four children, two sons and two daughters. All looking extraordinarily like their father.

Moving through the next few pictures I recognized one of Eric. It was a wedding photo. My heart jumped to my throat. He’s freakin married?! What the heck. I started to rack my brain to try and remember if I had ever seen a wedding ring when Eric stepped into the living room.

“Olivia, oh.” He realized what I was staring at and I quickly stepped away like a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar. He didn’t say anything just went back into the kitchen and continued to cook.

When I came back the table had been set and John was sitting at the head of the table filling his plate. I sat down next to him and thanked him as he past me the salad bowl. I tried my hardest not to look at Eric it was just too awkward.

“So where are these photo’s?” John asked as he started eating his salad. I reached over and picked it up. I handed the full photo album to John who scooted his chair a bit away from the table to have it sit on his lab.

“I put them in chronological order, Vera was great at putting dates and descriptions on the back!” I said cheerfully. John beamed and inhaled deep before he opened the book. His hand traced the faces on the first photo.

“Well there’s a blast from the past.” He whispered more to himself than to Eric and I. “I guess to tell you the whole story I should start at the beginning. I grew up in South Boston. My life wasn’t as harsh as some would like to believe but it did have it’s rough patches.

Jonathan heard the wood scraping across the cement floor. He knew what that sound meant. Someone must be going into the hidden basement. From the faint sound of music that reached his ears, he knew the speakeasy must be booming tonight. Jonathan knew his father never would allow him to go down there, but that didn’t stop him. He loved sneaking down there, seeing all the bootleggers from the entire city of Boston having a grand old time.

Of course Jonathan knew his father smuggled alcohol he was old enough to know better. And almost old enough to join his father once he finished school. But for his father you would never guess he of all people was a bootlegger from looking at him. One would assume a banker, or even someone in finance by the way he carried himself but never what he actually was, a dirty rotten crook; swindle you out of twenty bucks without even realizing it.

Jonathan’s father’s name was Cleary Fitzpatrick and he was just as Irish as his name.  He was a short guy, only standing a good five foot seven, but was a hot headed red head that would gun you down just for looking at him wrong.

He was one of the higher ups in the Gustin family gang, the biggest Irish mafia in Boston. Frank Wallace, the head of the Gustin family, was a regular to John’s house, which made the cops take notice. He could remember nights where he was awoken from loud banging and yelling as the cops came in, trying with no luck, to catch Cleary. Earned him the nickname Can’t-catch-em-Cleary.

Jonathan slowly tip-toed his way down the hallway to the basement door. He jumped as the familiar loud booming knocks hit the door. Jonathan ran and hid underneath the table. He heard his father’s voice getting louder as he climbed the stairs.

They had a system; a guy would stand around the corner of the apartment. If someone was at the door, they would ring a bell that reached my father in the basement. See, Jonathan’s father may have been a criminal, but he wasn’t dumb. He never went down into the party he always stood guard. He wasn’t going to be shipped off to jail for a stupid reason as the 18th Goddamn amendment.

Cleary made it to the door, but he paused before he reached for the handle. Suddenly, the door was kicked open. The POW of a gunshot shattered the calm. Jonathan jumped hitting his head off the table. But he knew not to move. He watched in slow motion as his father fell to the floor.

“Boston is Italian. Sleep tight you Irish bastard.” The gunmen left. Jonathan still didn’t move. It was as if he had become frozen.

“Cleary, my boy, where’d yea go?” Frank Wallace yelled with his Irish brogue booming as he climbed the stairs. As he reached the top he realized. He ran over to the body, feverishly looking for a pulse. He looked up, seeing Jonathan sitting there wide eyed tears brimming. Wallace motioned for Jonathan to come to him.

“Here’s a hundred dollars boyo. You’ll be needen to get outta the city as soon as you can. They’ll track yea down like a dog. Your daddy taught you well you’ll be fine! No one’s told yer this but yer fat’er has a sister in Maine. Go there boyo. I’ll send her a letter as soon as I can, now run!”

“He didn’t have to tell me twice. I ran into my room back only a few pairs of trousers and shirts and a toothbrush. Left for Maine that night on the train.” John reaching over for more potatoes. I had been so wrapped up in the story I had almost forgotten to eat.

“You didn’t know you had an Aunt in Maine?” Eric asked handing him the bowl of potatoes.

“Oh no, my father never spoke of his family. They hated my mother because she wasn’t Catholic. Even said that was the reason she had caught pneumonia and died when I was seven. So my father hated them. I don’t even think they attended his funeral. Pretty harsh huh?” John asked the two of us as we stared sadly at him.

“Did they know their son was a rum runner?” I asked sipping my wine.

“Oh no dear, not a rum runner those were pirates, he was bootlegger. A gentleman thief you could say, and damn good thief he was. And father actually. He was stern enough but also loved me dearly. I think it was because I was the last living thing of my mother. He loved her so. Probably the only thing besides me he was truly proud of in his life.” John seemed to be drifting into another thought.

“So I take it you meet Vera in Maine?” I asked probing for more information. John chuckled and wiped his mouth and preceded.

Jonathan woke as his head hit off the window of the bus. He must have dozed off. It had been a long day and he hadn’t eaten anything. He finally felt like he didn’t need to keep looking over his shoulder every minute the further the bus had pulled away from Boston.

But here he was, on his way to Maine. He prayed his Aunt would remember him or even know about him.As the bus slowed, he gathered his few treasured belongings.

“Friendship Maine, folks, last stop.’ Jonathan stepped off and looked around. It looked like something right off a post card. Just like the definition of Maine, small coastal town, with the endless ocean on one side and a sea of trees on the other. Jonathan had no idea what to do, so he just wandered, looking at the store fronts and enjoying the strong smell of sea salt. It reminded him of the wharf at night back home.

“You lost stranger?” Jonathan looked up to see a beautiful blue-eyed blonde smiling back at him.

“Just lookin’, actually do you by any chance know a Irene Fitzpatrick?” Jonathan smiled knowing he couldn’t look away from the small town beauty but hoping deep down she could provide him with an answer because his stomach was starting to growl.

“Well she hasn’t gone by that name in years! But yes I know who she is! She lives in the farmhouse up the road there on the left. Can’t miss it, huge willow in the front yard. Actually I’m heading that way I can take yea! I’m Vera by the way.” Vera said reaching out her hand.

“Jonathan.” Jonathan answered back shaking her hand. He followed up the road listening to all her stories about the town. About how her father was the sheriff, who also owned the local fishery. Which was why she had been in town. She was actually looking for some migrant workers getting of the bus looking for work.

“You know I wouldn’t mind a job. You know to help lower the burden for my aunt.” Jonathan answered timidly.

“It isn’t much, but but it’s a still a job and in these times,”

“That sounds great!” Jonathan cut her off. He knew this was the best offer for work he would receive. And who could ever say no to such a sweet person? He didn’t know why, but he knew she was special.

As they approached the house with the large willow outside Jonathan could see an older woman putting washing on the line. As the got closer he could see the resemblance to his father.

“Hello Mrs.Kelly!” Vera said cheerfully as she unhooked the little fence that lead to the walkway. The older woman turned to view the two newcomers.

“Oh why hello Vera dear and what do I owe this pleasure,” She stopped and looked at Jonathan and her expression instantly changed. “You’re his boy aren’t you.” Her gaze was so fierce that Jonathan had to look away.

“Why do you come here? To my house of all places? He’s not here with you is he.” She said her anger boiling as she looked around them.

“No…” Jonathan said quietly.

“What was that. Speak up you stupid boy.” Mrs. Kelly sneered at Jonathan as he continued to look at the ground.

“I said no he is not. He’s,” Jonathan choked realizing this was the first time he had ever said that his father was dead out loud. “He’s uhm passed away.”

“Passed away has he. Probably from alcohol poisoning my guess. The devil’s drink got him and brought him to where he belongs.” Jonathan’s eyes burned as he fought away his tears.

“Ma’am, please you’re the only family I,”

“Boyo, you are no family of mine.” Mrs. Kelly responded scathingly. “Now get off of my property before I call the sheriff and have you removed.” Mrs.Kelly picked up her washing and stormed into the house.

Jonathan just stood there stunned. What was he supposed to do now?! He had plenty of money left maybe check into a hotel? Did they even have hotels in Maine? He thought to himself.

“I’m so sorry Jonathan. I probably should have warned you. She quite, uh, headstrong? Is that the right way to put it?” Vera said shifting from foot to foot.

“I just don’t know what to do now.” Jonathan replied.

“Well, the way I see it, you do have a room with us if you still wanna take that job?!” Vera said trying her best not to sound pushy.

“Yeah of course I’ll take it. Probably is better than this place I’d bet.” We both laughed as we made our way out of Mrs.Kelly’s walkway and towards Day’s farm.

“John it’s almost 10.” Eric said looking down at his phone interrupting John’s story. I looked down at my own startled at how late it had become.

“Oh yes you’re right. I’d say that’s enough for tonight.” John said stretching and closing the photo album. “You come on back anytime you wanna hear more Livy. Can I call you Livy?” I smiled acknowledging that I would want nothing more. We all stood and stretched as we collected the dishes and walked them to the sink.

“You can head off to bed, I’ll clean up.” Eric said to John as he placed his dishes on the counter. He smiled and clapped Eric on the back.

“You’re a good kid, boyo. Good night Livy,” John waved at me as he turned and slowly made his way to the bedroom, Kingdom following close behind. I turned back to the dishes and started to help. Eric washed as I dried in silence for a few moments.

“Her name was Melissa.” Eric said finally breaking the silence. I nodded not really sure what to say or even how to respond, so he continued. “She was my high school sweetheart and John’s granddaughter. She uh, passed away a few years ago.” Again I nodded placing the dried dishes are the growing pile. And again silence was replaced. My mind whirled with questions but my mouth stayed closed. He seemed still so wounded that I couldn’t bring myself to say any of the questions I thought.

“I’m sorry.” Is all I could get out. And I felt him relax as he realized I wasn’t going to pry. And so we continued in okay silence as we finished cleaning the kitchen.

I turned the faucet on the shower. Nothing happened. Confused, I tried again turning the knob to the on position. What the hell? Once more I tried and all that came out was a thin stream of water that soon died off. I threw on my robe and made my way down stairs.

I opened the cabinet under the sink and looked in. Maybe the water knob thingy was turned off. As I looked in I realized there was more than one friggin knob thing. Great I thought as I maneuvered myself to view the cabinet better. What the heck do I do now.

Heading over to my tool box I grabbed a wrench because that’s what I’ve seen many plumbers do, well at least on tv.  Again I maneuvered myself down to get into the cabinet. I placed the wrench on one of the knobs and started to turn.

‘Knock, knock.’ I jumped with enough force to turn the knob. I hit my head on the top of the cabinet as a strong burst of water came gushing out of the pipe. I jumped up sputtering as my robe soaked through. Eric came running through the screen door and rushing to the sink.

“Where’s your water mane!” Eric yelled over the rushing water.

“My what?!” I yelled back trying to use my body to stop the flowing. Eric opened the basement door and ran down. A few moments later the water stopped. Eric came running back up the stairs to see me dripping in water in my ratty old bathrobe. He started to laugh. I did too, and then pretty soon we were both hysterical. He handed me a towel and I started to mob up the water.

“So what was your end plan with turning that?” Eric said through his laughter.

“Literally have no clue. Thought it was the thing that turns the water on to the house. But I guess that’s in the basement.” I answered trying to control my laughter as I wrung out the towel into the sink. “I’m gunna go change. All I wanted to do was take a shower and then this happens. I must be the poster child for what not to do in home renovations.” I laughed as myself and made way upstairs leaving Eric in the kitchen.

When I came back in he was sitting at the table looking at an old photo of Josh I had in his uniform. Instantly I regretted keeping that picture in such a visible spot. I walked over and sat next to him. And picked up the picture and looked at for the first time in months.

“That the ex?” Eric asked quietly. I nodded.

“I saw my entire life with that man.” Eric looked up surprised at my answer. “But not the man that came back.” He realized what I meant and nodded and went back to looking at anywhere but me.

“He ever hurt you.” Eric asked bluntly. I closed my eyes and exhaled and shook my head no.

“He just wasn’t himself. It was the shell he came back in. And I know he’d be fine, if,” I looked up at Eric remembering the last time we had this conversation. Eric nodded knowing what I meant and that seemed to be the end of that conversation.

“Uhm right,” Eric stands, “The reason I’m here. John wants to know if you want to come over tonight for some dessert and maybe another story or so.” Eric looked at me hopeful.

“I’d love to!” I answered excitedly as I stood too. Eric nodded and waved as he made he way to the door.

“I’ll see ya tonight Livy.” Eric said as he ducked out the screen door. I watched him walk all the way back up to John and my mind wandered to Melissa. Who was she and what was she like. But more importantly, what happened.

I walked up the driveway as I looked up on the porch to see John and Eric playing a card game. Stepping up the stairs I showed the brownies I had made earlier out with me and made my way to the porch. Eric stood as I approached and reached out for the brownies.

“Well aren’t you a beauty for these sore eyes.” John said as I walked over and gave him a quick peck on the cheek and sitting in the seat next to him. I looked down at the game they were playing. A game with a skinny board and pegs.

“What are you two playing?” I asked curious.

“Cribbage dear girl, best game in my humble opinion!” John boosted as he moved his peg forward. Eric handed me plate and I got up to decide what kind of goodies I wanted. I decided I wanted a glass of milk and made my way into the kitchen. As I was walking back I overheard the two men on the front porch.

“Pretty, ain’t she.” John asked.

“Uh, what? Uh yeah I guess.” Eric answered clearly off guard.

“She’d want you to be happy you know.” John responded with concern.

“I am happy.” Eric answered defensively.

“No you’re not Eric. You’re just alive you’re not living. With her you were living, not your just going through the damn motions.” John said strongly. I decided to walk out at this point but I felt extremely awkward but ignored it. As I sat Eric looked at me and I looked away flushed.

“John, I was curious for work I have to write a weekly submission that’s kind of like a catch that gets readers to follow and buy a copy every week. Well,” I paused to look for indicators of rejection on the old man’s face. “If I could write your story?” I finished quickly hoping if he did say no he wouldn’t be too offended.

“No one wants to hear an old man story!” John chuckled as he leaned back in his wicker porch chair. I shook my head no vigorously.

“No, no, I’m almost positive that this would make a great story! You have lived such an exciting life and plus we have pictures! Everyone loves pictures!” I said trying to hide the pleading in my voice.

“Well if it will help you my dear I would love to be at your service.” John said taking my hand and kissing it lightly. I threw my arms around him, hugging him tight.

“Thank you thank you thank you! I’ve been struggling with this assignment for days!” I said releasing John and returning to my seat.

“Well where were we?!” John asked opening the photo album. “Ah yes,”

Jonathan wiped the sweat from his brow. Salt from the sea water had dried on his forehead, leaving his skin rough and dry. It had been a successful catch day but it was time to head back to shore for a warm meal and a good night’s rest.

“Eh, Johnny boy!” A voice yelled from the other side of the boat. Jonathan looked over to see Declan walking over to him. Declan flicked a cigarette into the water.

“The boys’ll be goin out tonight. You got the truck, we gotta get this to Portland before noon tomorrah.” Declan said pulling out his pack and pulling another cigarette and then offered the pack towards Jonathan who shook his head no.

“I gotta work tomorrow mornin’ though Declan. I can’t drive all the way out to Portland tonight.” Jonathan answered playing with his gloves trying not to look at Declan. He took a big puff and released the smoke slowly before acknowledging this new information.

“Well why don’t ya tell Richard yer sick er somet’in’? One eh the boys’ll do it.” Declan answered cooly. Jonathan nodded knowing he was not going to get out of this easily. Normally he would go without question but tonight there a picture show that he and Vera really wanted to see.

“We’ll be seein’ yer tonight then boyo?” Declan asked. Jonathan agreed and the boys went back to getting ready to dock the boat.

As the boat reached the dock, he hopped off pulling it closer to the posts. As he tied the boat up, he heard Richard Day, the owner of the fishery, come up behind him.

“One hell of a haul boys!” Richard said clapping Jonathan on the back.

“It was a great day sir.” Declan said jumping off the boat and onto the dock. “Vera wit yea any chance sir.” Declan asked flinging another cigarette into the water. Richard pointed up to the road where you could Vera sitting eating a sandwich. She waved down at the men and started to make her way to the dock.

“Oh sir, Johnny boy here ah, needs tomorrow off. Don’t yer.” Declan asked slapping Jonathan on the back. Richard looked from Declan to Jonathan and shook his head yes just as Vera came up to them.

“And the sailors come back to not riches beyond our measures but beauty.” Declan says sweeping Vera up into a hug and placing a kiss on her cheek. She blushed pushing away a little and looking up at Jonathan who busied himself with the ropes.

“How was the water today?” Vera asked the men. Declan shrugged mumbling something about the calm seas of Maine as he pulled Vera closer.

“Wasn’t bad.” Jonathan said, barely loud enough for Vera to hear. She looked up at him and blushed and pushed her blonde hair behind her ear.

“Well I’ll be heading back to the house; I’ll see you all there.” Richard said as he pulled out a cigarette, lit it, and headed up to the street.

“I’ll foller yer up boyo. Vera, yer comin’?” Declan asked looking down at her. She shook her head no.

“I’m gunna go look for some sea glass I’ll meet you for dinner.” She kissed him on the lips and Declan started to walk towards the road but turning back before he left the dock to see Vera and Jonathan watching him. He reached to his ear and pulled out a cigarette and lit it squinting his eyes at Jonathan. He shook out the match and threw it into the water. Finally turning his back to them he faded up the road with Richard.

Jonathan grabbed all of his stuff and stared at Vera. Vera just looked out at the water, watching the wave’s crash against the wooden dock.

“It’s beautiful isn’t it?” Vera asked Jonathan as he followed her gaze out to the endless water slapping the side of the boat. “This would be the only thing I would miss if I do leave. I would miss the sunrise and sunset over the water and the smell of salt in the air.” Vera took a deep breath.

“Where do you want to go?” Jonathan asked timidly as Vera started walking down the edge of the dock. She sat down with her legs swinging over the edge. He followed sitting next to her.

“No idea. Just wanna see the world, get out of here. Meet new people. You know, see if the grass really is greener.” Vera announced more to the water than to Jonathan.

“I can tell yea, it ain’t always greener.” Jonathan said he felt a slight pain in his stomach as he looked up at Vera. He could see the small shadow of a bruise above her eye hidden by makeup. Jonathan reached up to touch it and quickly moved away.

“It’s nothing Jonathan.” Vera said pushing his hand away. Jonathan shook his head.

“When is ‘nothing’ going to stop Vera. It’s never going to stop.” Jonathan put his arm around her and pulled her close. “I think he knows.” Vera moved away from Jonathan looking at him with true fear.

“What? How do you know?” Vera stammered. Jonathan pulled her back into him and kissed her on the top of the head.

“He’s making me drive the shipment to Portland. Tonight.” Vera looked up into Jonathan’s eyes filling with tears.

“You can’t go. If he does know it’ll be a trap. It must be.” Vera let her tears fall as she put her head on Jonathan’s shoulder. They sat their in silence. Knowing if he did know about their affair, they both didn’t have long to live.

She was stopped crying after a few moments and looked up at him as if he was the world she longed to see. That’s when Jonathan knew what he had to do. He had to get her out of there.

“Vera, we’re leaving.” Jonathan said stone faced looking out at the water. Vera lifted her head off his shoulder to really look at him. “Pack your stuff. I’ll buy the tickets. At 3 you’ll leave the house and meet me at the dock.” Jonathan stood reaching down to help Vera up.

“But, but where will we go? He has men all over the state! They’ll be looking for us! Especially you. And besides that my father!” Vera answered starting to get hysterical. Jonathan pulled her into his chest to calm her.

“We’ll leave the state then. It doesn’t matter where we go as long as we are together and you are safe.” Jonathan pulled her in for a kiss holding her tight.

“Okay.” Vera said after they broke apart. Jonathan grabbed for her hand and they walked up the dock together knowing this was either going to be the beginning, or the end.

John stopped talking and closed the photo album. Streaks of tears started to fall from his eyes as he reached for a tissue.

“He, Declan was abusing her?” I asked cautiously again trying to read the wrinkled expressions. John slowly started to shake his head yes. Eric let out an exhale as we all took in the moment.

“She didn’t get away from him did she…” Eric responded putting the pieces together. Again John shook his head no and looked down at his lap as he played with his tissue. I reached my hand out to hold his, he looked up at me and smiled.

As Jonathan pulled up the delivery dock he realized there were men standing there. The truck’s headlights lit up the night and Jonathan recognized at least one of the men standing before him. He put the car in park and got out.

“Richard?” Jonathan asked walking over to the men. And sure enough it was Richard Day standing with his arms crossed. Jonathan looked around confused. Why was he here? Was this Declan’s plan? Get Jonathan arrested? Couldn’t be because he had a full shipment of illegal booze that would be confiscated and that would cut into his bottom line. So no that couldn’t be it. Then Richard spoke shattering the silence.

“You just couldn’t let it be could you.” Richard said puffing on his cigarette. Jonathan taken aback didn’t know how to answer. “You had to go ahead and piss him off.” Richard continued as he pulled out his cigarette and looked at it.

“What are you talking about.” Jonathan said as he slowly started to turn back to the truck.

“Now where the fuck do you think you’re going.” Richard said irritably flick his butt onto the ground. The two men next to him made moves towards him. Then it clicked.

“You’re in on it aren’t you.” Jonathan asked Richard through gritted teeth. Richard laughed, a full belly chuckle.

“You are a smarty aren’t you. But not a genius because I am it, son. I run the whole damn thing. You thought Declan was smart enough to avoid police detection you’re just as stupid as he is.” Richard said as he started to pace. He pulled out a flask and took a long strong gulp. The two other men got closer and closer to Jonathan.

“Now you’re gunna leave. Military actually. Your papers are in the truck all you gotta do is sign.” Richard began.

“And why the hell should I do that.” Jonathan responded with anger in every word. Richard just chuckled and snapped his fingers. One of the guys smashed him in the head with the butt of their gun. Jonathan fell forward onto all fours.

“Oh you’ll sign it if you wanna live. Which I assume you do. Then again if you don’t we can arrange that to. Either way you’re gone and so is our little problem.” Richard started.

“You know he’s hitting her. How could you let him do that to your daughter of all people! You sick bastard!” Jonathan spat at Richard as he tried to stand as another blow knocked him down. Richard didn’t speak. Just pulled out another cigarette, lit it, blew out the match and threw it onto the ground where he slowly grounded it in with his sleek black shoes.

“Sign the papers Jonathan.” Richard turned and walked into the building leaving behind only the faintest trail of pale grey smoke.

Eric and I pulled up into my driveway as he put the car in park. We both sat there just listening the country music station playing softly through the radio. I reached for the door handle and turned to Eric.

“Do you wanna come in?” I asked instantly feeling stupid as Eric’s face flushed. Then he unbuckled and opened his own door. A ball of excitement shot through me as I realized and made my way out of the car.

“Heavy stuff huh?” Eric asked as we made our way to the porch. I nodded as my excitement turned to a gut wrenching pang. We both walked up the steps silent. Till Eric grabbed my hand and spun me around towards him.

“Livy, I eh, I, eh, well first I’m not good with words. But since the first day I’ve meet you,” I stopped Eric’s stammering with my lips. At first he was timid and then pulled me and really kissed. We both pulled apart after what seemed like a very long minute. I motioned for Eric to follow me inside and he followed but stopped. I turned concerned.

“I eh, I can’t. I’ll call you.” He leaned in and kissed me, again letting me go after a few more long minutes. He ran back to his truck and drove off. I walked into the living room my mind whirling.

“Olivia, great article idea. Readers are just eating it up!” My boss said as she passed quickly by my cubicle. I thanked her and continued my article. I was so wrapped up in the text that I didn’t even see a delivery man drop off a beautiful bouquet of flowers.

“Olivia, who are these from?” Hailey asked me as she leaned on the entrance of my cubicle. I shrugged still not looking up or slowing my clacking of keys. When suddenly Hailey spun me around and I saw them. My heart jumped and that excitement again was rushing through me.

“They must be from Eric.” I concluded as Hailey nodded her head in approval.

“That cute guy who’s been helping you remodel?” Hailey asked picking at something under nail. I shook my head yes as I reached for the card. Opening it with slightly trembling finger I read,

‘I told you’d I’d change you just have to give me the chance to.

Miss you and love you -Josh.’

I dropped the note as if it had burned me. Hailey confused reached over and picked it up to read it herself. Her jaw drop as she read the name. She looked up at me as I started to pack my bag.

“What are you doing?” Hailey asked moving out of my way.

“He knows where I work. I have to go home.” I said trying to hold back my fear.

“Why is that a bad thing? He seems to be sincere?” Hailey said rereading the note. But I didn’t waste my time to respond. I grabbed my stuff and walked out with Hailey stuttering in confusion after me.

I pulled into my driveway and slammed the car in park. I put my head on the steering wheel and finally let myself cry. I heard a knock on my window and screamed.

“Hey, hey, what’s the matter? It’s just me?!” Eric said as he ripped opened the door. I shook my head but no words came out just tears. But Eric didn’t rush me. He just stood there strong as I cried.

“He knows where I work.” I finally said through sobs.

“Who?” Eric asked concerned.

“Josh.” I started to sob harder. Eric looked confused. “I lied to you. He did hit me, damn near killed me before I got away. It took every bit of courage I had left to leave. He can’t be here. I’m not strong enough to do it again” I sobbed harder and Eric reached in and held me.

“Shhh, sh, it’s okay. He won’t hurt you again trust me. Just breath. I’ll stay here for the night if you want company.” I nodded into his shoulder as I tried to steady my breathing to a slow shutter.

It had been a couple weeks since I had received those flowers. Josh hadn’t tried anything else to get close to me. Hadn’t even called me, and I was starting to relax if only slightly. She had been working on the last of John’s story for the past few days.

As I logged into my email I heard my phone ding. It was Eric, I smiled to myself as I opened his text telling me he’ll pick up dinner for tonight. I quickly responded thank as I returned to my computer. I quickly scanned over all the shopping emails. When one caught my eye. It was from a woman named Kathleen Fitzpatrick. I hastily clicked on it.

‘Hello Olivia my name is Kathleen Fitzpatrick and I’m pretty sure these stories are pictures are of my mother’s, Vera. I’d love to speak with you about this and especially John since I may have a missing puzzle piece to your story.’

I quickly penned a reply for us to meet at her earliest convenience. My mind raced curious as to what she meant by missing puzzle piece? What was the story missing? Well I guess I’d just have to wait. God I hate waiting.

I heard a knock on the door as I uncorked the wine. I finished my pour and walked over to open it for Eric. As I reached for the door handle I stopped as I looked into the eyes of Josh. He smiled at me as he leaned on the door frame.

“You need to leave.” I said trying to sound strong while my insides screamed with panic. Josh didn’t say anything just shook his head. He reached for the handle and tried to pull it open. I quickly tried to lock it but it was too late he had the door open as I backed away from him. He put his bottle of jack down on the counter and looked around.

“The place looks great Livy.” Josh said wobbling on his feet. I didn’t answer but backed away towards the phone not know what my next step will be but felt that’s what I should do.

“Josh what do you want.” I said again more strongly than I felt. Josh looked up at me with bloodshot eye and the gut wrenching pang twisted my insides.

“What do I want? Really, Livy. You know what I want. You.” Josh said he as he wobbled his way to the kitchen table ripping out a chair making it scrape across the floor.

“You can’t have me Josh. What is you really want.” I said reaching for phone and pulling it behind me. Josh threw the plate that was on the table at me. I jumped screaming as I dropped the phone to get away as it shattered against the wall.

“You wanna know what I want Livy. You really wanna know what I want! I want to stop feeling this pain. I’m in so much pain.” He put his head into his hand as he started to cry.

“I told you. You can get help for that pain. I need you to get help. Please Josh for me.” My voice cracked with strain. Josh lifts his head and looks at me.

“For you? That’s bullshit. You don’t give a shit about me.” Josh spat standing and wobbling his way towards me. As if my lower limbs had become cement I couldn’t move and he got closer and closer. He reaches out and pulls me in for a kiss but I pulled away. His hand comes out of nowhere and slaps me across the face and I fall back into the wall.

“Babe, no, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I don’t know why I did that. It won’t happen again. I’m so sorry.” He reaches up to hold my face I shiver at his touch as he wipes away my tears. I don’t dare move.

When suddenly the screen door slapped closed. Josh spins around to see Eric standing there ready to fight. I slipped away and back towards the basement door. I knew I had a gun if I could just get to it.

“Who the hell are you.” Josh asked disgusted as he sized up Eric through his drunken eyes.

“You need to leave.” Eric said calmly. Josh stumbled towards him as Eric back only slightly.

“I think you gotta leave.” Josh said as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a 22. Eric froze and I had no idea what to do my mind seemed to stop think and all I could do was watch.

“You don’t wanna do that buddy.” Eric said calmly.

“Don’t fucking call me buddy. You don’t fucking know me.” Josh said spitting with anger and hurt.

“I was you.” Eric responded softly.

“What the fuck is that suppose to mean.” Josh retorted waving the gun at Eric.

“It means that I know the pain. I know the terror. I know what you see when you’re weak. I saw them too. I know the sleeplessness. I know the sounds.” Eric replied strongly. Josh faltered, as he lowered the gun a little. Eric made one step towards him and Josh didn’t react.

“I’m, I’m supposed to be strong.” Josh said with his voice quivering. Eric again made a slow step forward and Josh again didn’t move.

“You are strong.” Eric answered. Josh started to shake his head as the gun lowered. “I was in the same dark place. I didn’t get the help I needed till I hurt the one person I loved more than myself. But you don’t have be the same way. Just give me the gun brother.” Eric started as he again inched his way towards Josh. I looked up at Eric as I realized what happened.

“It was a regular night. I had been hiding my symptoms for months now. Melissa and I were driving when an 18 wheeler blew a tire. And I dunno if you’ve ever heard that but it sound damn near the same as a gunshot. My mind went into combat mode is the best way I can explain it. I pulled the car over and got out yelling at Melissa to follow my lead and to watch for landmines as I hopped the highway railing and ran down the hill. She was crying and telling me to stop but I just kept screaming for her to get out the car. If she had just gotten out like I screamed she would have been fine. Or if I hadn’t pulled over in the first place she’d be here.” Eric swallowed hard as he let the tears fall. He reached out for the gun and Josh let him take it without a fight. I let out a huge sigh of relief as Eric unloaded the pistol.

“You can get the help that I didn’t get till it was too late. The pain does stop. You are strong solider and it will get better.” Eric finished just as calmly as he started.

    “Hello?” I answered putting the phone between my cheek and shoulder as I continued my gardening.

“Livy” A familiar voice answered back. I leaned back on my knees as I dusted my hands on and pulled my phone into my hand.

“Josh. How have you been?” I asked sweetly.

“It’s been hard. But I’m gunna get there.” He paused, “I’m just calling to say I’m so sorry. I know that will never be enough but it’s true, I”

“I forgive you.” I said calmly cutting him off.

“Thanks.” He paused again, “And Livy. I’ll always love you.” Josh finished with a sigh.

“I’ll always love you too. Get the help you need.” I replied sweetly as I hung up the phone. I started to go back to my gardening when Kingdom came running to me in the same frantic way she had when John had his heart attack. She knew what this could mean and followed running just as fast as Kingdom to John’s house.

    As I sat in the waiting room I picked up my phone and called Kathleen Fitzpatrick, who I had been emailing for a while now. I was sent to voicemail.

“Hi, Kathleen it’s Olivia from the paper. I know we were planning a huge thing but you should come to Miles Memorial as soon as you. I just have a feeling there isn’t much time left. Just give me a call back. Thanks.” I hung up the phone just as Eric came bursting into the waiting. He ran over to hug me.

“He’s in surgery. Haven’t heard anything.” I said and Eric nodded sitting down in the seat next to me. I picked up a magazine and handed one to Eric who shook his head no and started shaking his leg in anxiety which only stressed me out more.

A few moments later. Kathleen walked into the room. She saw us sitting and came over. I stood to greet her.

“Kathleen,” She said shaking my hand. “I came as soon as I got your voicemail. Is he okay?” She asked timidly.

“We haven’t heard anything yet. But that could be a good thing but,” Just as I was about to finish the doctor came out and Eric rushed to him.

“He’s resting. Vitals are good. But I’m not going to sugar coat it. Another one like that and I just don’t think his heart can handle it.” The doctor said double checking his clipboard. “But you can head in and see him.”

“Thanks.” Eric said moving past the doctor and into the hallway.

Eric swung open the door and peered in. John lay there looking fragile with all the tubes running out of him. He raised his hand to wave us in. We all piled into the room as John tried to pull himself up.

“No, John stop I’ll help you.” Eric piped up rushing to John’s side.

“Oh hush, I’m not dead yet.” John said slapping Eric’s helping hands away. “And who is this lovely lady.” John asked looking at Kathleen who nervously entered.

“John this is Kathleen.” I paused, “Kathleen Fitzpatrick.” Kathleen moved closer to the bed and John’s expression changed.

“You have her eyes.” Was all he said reaching out his hand to touch hers. She smiled as her tears fell. “No no don’t cry dear, those eyes are too beautiful and loving to cry.”

“I read your story in the paper and uhm, she was my mother.” John’s eyes filled with tears as he looked at Kathleen. “And I needed you to know the ending. The real ending.” Kathleen said as she wipes away some tears with her other hand.

“The real ending?” John asked curious. Kathleen shook her head yes and pulled out her own photo album handing it to John. He took it graciously as he opened the first picture. It was a picture of John and Vera smiling through the years, with the caption ‘To Kathleen, love Mom and Dad.’ John confused looked up at Kathleen and she flipped the page.

“She was pregnant with me in that picture.” Kathleen said pointing to a picture of Vera smiling by the boat. Then Kathleen pointed to the time stamp. It was a few days before he was forced to leave. Then he got it. John pulled Kathleen in for a long hug with strength that came from his heart.

“Does this mean she was actually got away from Declan?!” John asked hoping to hear the answer he so wished for her. Kathleen’s face fell and so did John’s.

“She knew it was coming she just didn’t know when. She couldn’t get away. She tried for years taking us to stay with this friend and that but he always found us a brought us back. When I was 6 is when he finally did it. He uhm, shot her.” Kathleen said bursting into tears at the moment she finished her sentence. John held her hand tighter as he started to cry himself. Even Eric and I teared up as we hung back.

“But you and I were her life. She told me all the stories she had about you so I could get a sense of knowing my real father. She made me this album with the stories she told so I could always find you when I needed you.” Kathleen’s voice cracked and John kissed the top of her hand. “She was never mad at you for leaving, she knew something must have happened.”

“That son of bitch father of hers ran me off. And before I knew it was I fighting in Europe! And I’m so sorry but I was too late. No one told me anything. All they said is she passed away. But I tried but I should have tried harder I’m so sorry Kathleen.” John kissing her hand once more.

“No, please don’t feel sorry. You gave her hope and you gave me great stories of what true love is.” Kathleen smiled at John as she squeezed his hand tighter. She flipped to the last page and it was Kathleen and her family. “That’s my husband, Ron and our daughter Sarah and that little guy’s name Jonathan after you.” John traced the faces over with his hand. John leaned over to look at Eric and I.

“Thank you for all this Livy. I am forever grateful.” John said to me. I walked over and hugged him and he kissed me on the head. Eric walked up behind me and pulled me in close and held John’s other hand. We all stood in silence, happy content silence. Till the doctor entered and told us it was time for John to get some sleep. We all kissed him goodbye saying we would all be back in the morning.

“Jonathan. Sweetheart. It’s time to wake up.” A voice said as John opened his eyes. Vera stood before him. Young and beautiful like he always remembered her. Her blue eyes still just as piercing.

“I should have tried harder. I’m so sorry, I left with you with him.”

“It’s okay, we can finally be together like it was always meant to be.” Vera said softly reaching out her hand. John stretched to meet hers. His old veiny wrinkly hand transformed into a hand 60 years younger. John lifted the covers off himself as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed. His arthritic knees no longer pained him. His feet touched the floor that was no longer cold. He stood.

“Do you remember how dance?” Vera asked kindly pulling Jonathan into her.

“Do I remember how to dance, Honey, I’m the king of dance.” And they danced together like they did on those stolen nights back in Friendship. All around the hospital room, he twirled her around and held her tight till the walls faded and time stood still.

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In My Lifetime -Discussion