Eduardo

Brandon

My name is Brandon and I am a gay cisgendered male
I came out when I was 18 and am currently 24. I live in Boston MA
Before I came out, I didn’t really think about my identity that much. I kinda always knew I was gay from a young age but I never really thought anything of it. As long as I knew what I needed to do, like get good grades, work, and maintain my friendships, then that’s all I really cared about. I’m gonna do me and that’s that. It was during my senior year however that it started to really affect my world views. All the hype of college and growing up and actually experiencing the world created doubt within me regarding the acceptance of myself and how the world views and accepts me. I still knew I was gay but would I be able to survive and thrive in a world where being hetero is the norm and gay is NOT okay. It also didn’t help that I come from a Chinese family and my dad is super “old fashioned” in his world views so it was tough. I was scared of losing everything, my family, friends,my future, all because of who I was. The one thing that bothered me the most looking back is that all this pressure I felt wasn’t from any external source but all internally created by me. As cliche as it sounds, I didn’t love myself; I didn’t believe I was worthy of anything because of my identity. When I did finally come out, it was like I was someone new because I didn’t have to hide anything anymore
Since coming out I guess I am more conscious about being gay in places I know aren’t too hospitable or queer friendly, but other than that I live my life how I want. There are still times when the doubt creeps back but I’ve never loved myself more in the past than I do right now in my life. I live unapologetically me and I am fortunate enough to be able to surround myself in people who also appreciate me. At the end of the day the only thing I can control is myself: my thoughts, emotions, and body. There’s literally nothing else that I can do, so if somebody has a problem with me and my orientation or my identity then that’s really their problem.

Matthew

My name is Matthew and I’m a bi hispanic male.
I don’t think i really “came out,” per say how we see in film and media. Or read. I just one day started dating boys too. I was around 15/16 when i had my first crush on a boy, and of course told my best friend at the time. But i didn’t date any guys until i was just about 18. I didn’t make it a thing because i dated who i wanted,and still live by that philosophy of I’m going to date who i want. I’m 26 now, dating a gay guy here in Los Angeles.
Before i actually dated any guys, i was concerned. It was before how normal it is now, and being queer in anyway was still stigmatized greatly in high school. So of course i kept my crushes on boys private between me and my best friend. And I would always come up with these elaborate plans to ask my crush out. I had the same crush for years. But because i wasn’t in a comfortable environment, i never acted upon such. But when i graduated, and went off to college, it really became a liberating experience. I made queer friends, i dated my first boyfriend, really was allowed to live what was true to me. I got to be with whomever i wanted.
Since then, being bi hasn’t really been on my conscience. But it has been forced to. People always assume gay. Especially when I’m around my boyfriend. I don’t correct them because trying to explain sexuality to every single person is tiring. But every now and then, i do get someone who asks and then that’s when i take my time to explain and really try to answer all of their questions about the queer community.

Rhion

My name is Rhion, and I am gay.
I was 18 when I publicly came out, but I started telling close friends when I was 17. I am 20 right now, and I live in Tennessee.
Growing up, I was always called queer by my older brothers, but I never really knew what it meant. I just knew that I didn’t like being called that. At around age 10 or 11, I would go on my mom’s computer and look up gay things. Whether it was a bunch of shirtless guys or just what being gay was, I was searching it. I was an internet noob and didn’t know about Search History, so my mom obviously saw everything I was searching. She kept me home from school one day so she could talk to me about before work. She asked me if I was gay, and I said, “I don’t know.” She had told me that she would love me no matter what. Those words came out of her mouth. Then she started going to church, and things changed. Flash forward to 8th grade. I had my own phone that could connect to the internet, and I knew of a bi guy in the sixth grade. Well, he and I started talking a lot, and he eventually came out to his family because of me. I encouraged him to come out at a time where I wasn’t even sure about myself. Well, apparently I fell asleep with my phone open, and my mom decided to snoop through it. She found all of my texts with the guy and woke me up in an angry rage. I don’t remember everything she said to me, but I do remember one thing. She told me that if I wanted to be gay then I could go sell myself out on the streets. I remember going to sleep that night wrapped up in a ball crying and praying for God to not make me gay. For the next year I would pray for god not to make me gay. I was always afraid of losing my friends or being disowned from my family. But then I saw how accepting some of friends were with some out gay guys in my school, so I started telling people that I was bi. I figured telling people I was bi would go better than telling people I was gay. Then my Junior year of high school(I was 16) came along. A new guy moved to our school, and he just so happened to be gay. He and I started talking, and we did things… Then my mom snooped into my phone again and forced me to end my relationship with him. So I did. Out of fear of my mom, I broke up with him. For a while after that she would be very guarding and protective of anything I did that might have come off as gay. She didn’t want to have that reputation. Her fear was that people would find out and consider her a bad mother. So I dealt with that for a while while still telling some people that I was gay. It took me until I was almost 17 to realize that I wasn’t actually into girls. For years I just dated girls who I thought were interesting and pretty because I thought I had to. I would date girls I was friends with. At 17, I realized that I had been looking at boys differently ever since my elementary years. When same-sex marriage was legalized, I was 18 and had graduated high school a month prior. The day that it happened, I was at work. I went on Facebook and changed my cover photo to a picture that said “Love Wins!” 10 minutes later, I got a text from my mom telling me to take it down. I reluctantly did knowing she would have choice words for me when she picked me up from work. When that time did come, we had a long back and forth about same-sex marriage and my views vs her views. She still wasn’t okay with any of it, but she stopped yelling at me and dropped the topic.  I knew I was going to be starting college soon and that I would be away from my mom. I made a promise to myself that the day I am no longer under her roof and have to worry about her driving to see me, I would come out publicly and post whatever gay stuff I wanted to on Facebook. That day happened on October 24th, 2015. I made a huge post on Facebook and instantly felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders. I had support from so many people, some of whom were family, which really surprised me considering a lot of them were devout Christians. Then my mom tried calling me. I ignored her… Multiple times. I didn’t want to deal with her negativity. We eventually texted about it, and she said that she still loves me and that she will try to learn to accept it. On February 5th, 2016, I started dating a guy. I consider it my first actual relationship because it was the first one that I felt like myself in. It was glorious and it lasted 7 months. Whenever I first announced that I had one, people were so supportive. Even my mom. A few weeks before he and I broke up, she met him. And she was nice to him, which really surprised me. What surprised me even more was how she was there for me after the break up. It felt amazing. It was that moment when I realized that I could finally be myself around anyone, including my mom. I didn’t have to worry about “being too gay.” I no longer had to think about every little movement I made or thing I said.
Here I am almost 21, and I rarely ever even think about the fact that I’m gay. I’m a person. That’s all that is on my conscience. I no longer hide it or try to impress others by acting like something else. I am myself, and I am happy with it. I have never felt more free, and to be honest, I think it all has to do with Theatre. I started acting when I was In middle school, and in high school, I started acting at my community theatre. It was there that I began to feel accepted by people. And ever since then, I would always feel accepted and loved whenever I was in a show. I think that by having that support system, even when I didn’t know I needed it, helped me become more comfortable with who I am. Theatre and seeing the positive reactions to LGBTQ+ topics in media helped me to not worry about anyone caring. I am gay, I am as free as a bird, and I am happy.

Dan

Bisexual. Coming out 21, Currently 24. Connecticut.
I think the thoughts were subtle. I wasn’t fully aware of my identity because I was attracted to women so I didn’t always process my attraction to men as that. I deflected when everyone asked if I was gay/bi and I was very aware of how I was presenting to make sure that people didn’t make comments like that. I was fine with other people being gay but for me it was not an option. Being bi it was easy for me to convince myself that I was straight because of my attraction to women.
Now I would say my identity is frequently on my mind. I definitely want people to know who I am but when it came to starting a new job it was very much something that I felt I had to hide again even with a company that is very open and accepting. There are still people I wanted to feel out to see if I could trust them. Once I came to accept myself I wanted to be visible for other people because I wanted others to see that being who you are is ok. I also find that I have to remind people that I’m bi especially in queer spaces such as a gay bar because people assume that I’m only attracted to men.

Jovanny

Bisexual. Came out at 16 years old, 19 now. California.
It was honestly always on my mind since my teenage years, I grew up without my biological dad, and though I’ve had a stepdad , never really had a father figure in my life so I never really had a male role model in my life. Being Latino as well also played as a factor on how I was supposed to act because of the whole stereotype that Latin men are supposed to be these macho men who are strong put a lot of pressure on how I was supposed to act and feel. Lastly, I was raised in a very religious family. My family was very close to my uncle who was a pastor so religion played a really big factor in my life. Because of these three factors, I always felt like I needed to act “straight” for the majority of my life because it was frowned down upon in my religion and race. Everything I did, I always had to second guess it and wonder “how am I doing this?” or “Is what I’m doing or the way that I’m doing it ‘gay’ or ‘too feminine’ ? ”
Now, having been able to have come out to my mom and brothers and friends, my identity hasn’t really been on my mind since having to go through so many boundaries in order for me to come out, I’ve felt like the me now is who I’m proud to be.

Abby

My name is Abby and I identify as bisexual.
I came out when I was 17 and I am 22 now. I live in Ontario, Canada.
Growing up, I always thought I was straight as I think most people do. This was all until I met a girl in my German class in high school, and I thought “yup, I have real feelings for a girl. What does that make me?” It was unusual for me, because it was something I had never even considered before meeting her, but it was like an aha! moment and I realized that I was open to being in relationships with women as well as men. I came out to my mom in the car when I was 17, when a Katy Perry song was on the radio (she’s my mom’s only “girl crush” and I thought that’s how I would breach the subject). It didn’t go as well as I had planned, and it definitely gave me anxiety because obviously it’s nerve-wracking! But now I don’t even think about it. I’m open about my sexuality, and I see men and women both as potential partners. Everyone in my life who needs to know does know, and those who don’t need to know don’t. I don’t feel like it’s the main part of my personality/identity, but it’s still a part of me that I’m not ashamed of.
Honestly, I don’t think of myself as abnormal or different than anyone else. I’m myself! Sometimes it’s hard, because I have experienced biphobia within both the LGBT community and the hetero community, but thankfully I haven’t had any real negative experiences, other than ignorant people commenting on how it’s “hot” and how they “want to watch” when I tell them my sexuality. I find that a lot of people see it as a fetish or something, and it does bother me when they say things like that. Imagine if the roles were reversed, and a male friend talked to me about his new girlfriend and I said “oh you’re straight? That’s totally hot. Would it be creepy if I asked to watch?” Like yes it’s creepy! Bisexuality to me is just being open to romantic and sexual relationships with men and women, but (some) people see it as girls who want attention, or can’t pick a side, which isn’t the case. My family and friends never even bring it up with me really because there are so many more facets to me than my sexual preferences you know?

Chris

Hey my name is Chris, I identify as bisexual. Though I’ve often pretended in my life to either be straight mostly when I forward was younger to avoid being known as “the gay kid” because I was already picked on for people assuming I wasn’t straight and now later in life I’ve pretended at times to be gay because the LGBT community has a harder time accepting me as bi then the straight community does and it’s just easier than dealing with questions or derogatory statements.
So that’s a complex question, my parents didn’t find out officially until I was 29. (Though I know they suspected earlier) My friends mostly knew when I was about sixteen ish. I can’t remember an exact moment. But the big one at 29 wasn’t handled well at all. Something I regret because I used my sexuality to try and hurt my conservative mother. I live in Boise, Idaho which doesn’t have the most liberal ideals.
Fairly constant honestly. I wouldn’t say it filled my thoughts twenty four seven, but I was constantly afraid some guy would catch me checking them out or I’d be seen as less of a man if people knew. Bring bi I would even try to convince myself to just ignore that side of myself for years because it was just easier to be straight. I didn’t want to have an attraction to men but the more I denied it the more mental health problems I developed and fucked up things I did to myself and others. It wasn’t the easiest road to coming to terms with it. I didn’t want that half of myself and felt sick trying to hide it because I was so terrified of being ostracized or even hated by my family.
Absolutely. Every time I’m dating a girl I’m forced to remind people I’m bi and vice versa when I’m dating a boy. That or I’m constantly defending my sexuality as valid. Even going as far having to argue that I’m not polyamorous or a whore because I’m bi. Hell I’ve even had people tell me that I can’t be satisfied with monogamy because I’ll always be missing one half which is just utter crap. Coming out doesn’t end either. I’m always having to deal with new people in my life that don’t know and I have to go through it all over again. People act like coming out is this one magical moment that suddenly the world knows and everything is puppies and rainbows. But, it’s not, coming out is an almost daily experience when you meet new people in work and life as they just default assume I’m straight and then I have to introduce them to my boyfriend.

Daniel

I’m Daniel and I’m gay
I came out as bi when I was in grade 8 but it really didnt feel “right”. Then I did some reflecting and realized my sexual attraction to women was virtually nonexistent. I went to a Christian school in Canada from grades 1-10 so the idea of homosexuality was pretty much repressed and unheard of, so it did take some time to actually realize it.
Like I said, I thought I was bi because there was this girl that I liked but in more of a platonic way. But in grade 8 and 9 I was increasingly developing feelings for this guy named Theo. Erin was ok, lets go to Tim’s and get coffee, fuck yeah. But Theo was like, I really hate talking to you because you’re straight and I really wanna hug you, but you dress like such a douche, and I think you’re absolutely fucking adorable. He left in the middle of grade 9 and I bawled my eyes out, so if that’s not teenage homosexual heartbreak, I don’t know what is.
So I’m now graduated high school, leaving that christian school to go to 2 different public schools, and one of the things I’ve learned that being gay isn’t really the focus of one’s personality. Yes you can have it as a the focal point, but there really should be something else added onto it so you don’t seem like a shallow asshat who sasses everyone who crosses you (grade 11 taught me this). Add something to yourself whether you’re the type of gay to work out, or watch drag race, or work out and watch drag race. No mature gay guy would give two shits if you’re more sporty, or fashionable, or less into mainstream gay culture; afterall the only commonality that we all have is that we like men. That’s it.
Another thing I’ve learned is that even if you’re 100% out and completely proud of it, you still might have that underlying fear of being judged. This is coming from my time in grade 12 where I went to literally the whitest school in the city. I’m obviously not white, so being a dual minority was a bit of a challenge. The guys were jocks, hockey and football, fragile masculinity was rampant. My backpack had a print of one of the cats from Neko Atsume, and the amount of “oh fuck are people judging me what do I do is this a mistake why am I here”’s that came into my head was huge. I came into the school knowing literally zero people out of around 1600, and basically plastering that I was the new gaysian first seemed like a big mistake. Then later in the year I made friends that were accepting of it, joined the Model UN club, Yearbook, played rugby as the only gay kid on the team, and learned that “Ok, I’m gay. They’re not. If someone does something to wrong me, it’s nothing that they can do to affect my future. If they do something, it’s going to be temporary and I dont have the emotional capacity to care.”
From what I’ve seen and experienced, being gay is a constant evolution in learning and self control. You own how you react to the world judging you. Personally? Back straight, shoulders back, head high, think murder, walk, and move on. Keep yourself open to positive change in your life.
And remember, it doesn’t matter if you go clubbing on a friday night, workout, work on hair, work in a lab, or work in an auto body shop: we all like men. That’s literally the only commonality. Don’t let any other gay tell you you’re less gay for not doing something they do. You do you, hallelu.