{"id":1382,"date":"2018-04-12T15:50:48","date_gmt":"2018-04-12T15:50:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jolineblais.net\/tributaries\/?p=1382"},"modified":"2018-04-12T16:11:38","modified_gmt":"2018-04-12T16:11:38","slug":"assignment13_millett","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jolineblais.net\/tributaries\/assignment13_millett\/","title":{"rendered":""},"content":{"rendered":"[aesop_timeline_stop num=&#8221;Eduardo&#8221; title=&#8221;Eduardo&#8221;]\n\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/player.vimeo.com\/video\/262920580?app_id=122963\" width=\"800\" height=\"450\" frameborder=\"0\" title=\"Eduardo\" webkitallowfullscreen mozallowfullscreen allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n\n[aesop_timeline_stop num=&#8221;Brandon&#8221; title=&#8221;Brandon&#8221;]\n\n<p>My name is Brandon and I am a gay cisgendered male<br \/>\nI came out when I was 18 and am currently 24. I live in Boston MA<br \/>\nBefore I came out, I didn\u2019t really think about my identity that much. I kinda always knew I was gay from a young age but I never really thought anything of it. As long as I knew what I needed to do, like get good grades, work, and maintain my friendships, then that\u2019s all I really cared about. I\u2019m gonna do me and that\u2019s that. It was during my senior year however that it started to really affect my world views. All the hype of college and growing up and actually experiencing the world created doubt within me regarding the acceptance of myself and how the world views and accepts me. I still knew I was gay but would I be able to survive and thrive in a world where being hetero is the norm and gay is NOT okay. It also didn\u2019t help that I come from a Chinese family and my dad is super \u201cold fashioned\u201d in his world views so it was tough. I was scared of losing everything, my family, friends,my future, all because of who I was. The one thing that bothered me the most looking back is that all this pressure I felt wasn\u2019t from any external source but all internally created by me. As cliche as it sounds, I didn\u2019t love myself; I didn\u2019t believe I was worthy of anything because of my identity. When I did finally come out, it was like I was someone new because I didn\u2019t have to hide anything anymore<br \/>\nSince coming out I guess I am more conscious about being gay in places I know aren\u2019t too hospitable or queer friendly, but other than that I live my life how I want. There are still times when the doubt creeps back but I\u2019ve never loved myself more in the past than I do right now in my life. I live unapologetically me and I am fortunate enough to be able to surround myself in people who also appreciate me. At the end of the day the only thing I can control is myself: my thoughts, emotions, and body. There\u2019s literally nothing else that I can do, so if somebody has a problem with me and my orientation or my identity then that\u2019s really their problem.<\/p>\n[aesop_timeline_stop num=&#8221;Matthew&#8221; title=&#8221;Matthew&#8221;]\n\n<p>My name is Matthew and I&#8217;m a bi hispanic male.<br \/>\nI don\u2019t think i really &#8220;came out,&#8221; per say how we see in film and media. Or read. I just one day started dating boys too. I was around 15\/16 when i had my first crush on a boy, and of course told my best friend at the time. But i didn&#8217;t date any guys until i was just about 18. I didn&#8217;t make it a thing because i dated who i wanted,and still live by that philosophy of I&#8217;m going to date who i want. I&#8217;m 26 now, dating a gay guy here in Los Angeles.<br \/>\nBefore i actually dated any guys, i was concerned. It was before how normal it is now, and being queer in anyway was still stigmatized greatly in high school. So of course i kept my crushes on boys private between me and my best friend. And I would always come up with these elaborate plans to ask my crush out. I had the same crush for years. But because i wasn&#8217;t in a comfortable environment, i never acted upon such. But when i graduated, and went off to college, it really became a liberating experience. I made queer friends, i dated my first boyfriend, really was allowed to live what was true to me. I got to be with whomever i wanted.<br \/>\nSince then, being bi hasn&#8217;t really been on my conscience. But it has been forced to. People always assume gay. Especially when I&#8217;m around my boyfriend. I don&#8217;t correct them because trying to explain sexuality to every single person is tiring. But every now and then, i do get someone who asks and then that&#8217;s when i take my time to explain and really try to answer all of their questions about the queer community.<\/p>\n[aesop_timeline_stop num=&#8221;Rhion&#8221; title=&#8221;Rhion&#8221;]\n\n<p>My name is Rhion, and I am gay.<br \/>\nI was 18 when I publicly came out, but I started telling close friends when I was 17. I am 20 right now, and I live in Tennessee.<br \/>\nGrowing up, I was always called queer by my older brothers, but I never really knew what it meant. I just knew that I didn&#8217;t like being called that. At around age 10 or 11, I would go on my mom&#8217;s computer and look up gay things. Whether it was a bunch of shirtless guys or just what being gay was, I was searching it. I was an internet noob and didn&#8217;t know about Search History, so my mom obviously saw everything I was searching. She kept me home from school one day so she could talk to me about before work. She asked me if I was gay, and I said, &#8220;I don&#8217;t know.&#8221; She had told me that she would love me no matter what. Those words came out of her mouth. Then she started going to church, and things changed. Flash forward to 8th grade. I had my own phone that could connect to the internet, and I knew of a bi guy in the sixth grade. Well, he and I started talking a lot, and he eventually came out to his family because of me. I encouraged him to come out at a time where I wasn&#8217;t even sure about myself. Well, apparently I fell asleep with my phone open, and my mom decided to snoop through it. She found all of my texts with the guy and woke me up in an angry rage. I don&#8217;t remember everything she said to me, but I do remember one thing. She told me that if I wanted to be gay then I could go sell myself out on the streets. I remember going to sleep that night wrapped up in a ball crying and praying for God to not make me gay. For the next year I would pray for god not to make me gay. I was always afraid of losing my friends or being disowned from my family. But then I saw how accepting some of friends were with some out gay guys in my school, so I started telling people that I was bi. I figured telling people I was bi would go better than telling people I was gay. Then my Junior year of high school(I was 16) came along. A new guy moved to our school, and he just so happened to be gay. He and I started talking, and we did things&#8230; Then my mom snooped into my phone again and forced me to end my relationship with him. So I did. Out of fear of my mom, I broke up with him. For a while after that she would be very guarding and protective of anything I did that might have come off as gay. She didn&#8217;t want to have that reputation. Her fear was that people would find out and consider her a bad mother. So I dealt with that for a while while still telling some people that I was gay. It took me until I was almost 17 to realize that I wasn&#8217;t actually into girls. For years I just dated girls who I thought were interesting and pretty because I thought I had to. I would date girls I was friends with. At 17, I realized that I had been looking at boys differently ever since my elementary years. When same-sex marriage was legalized, I was 18 and had graduated high school a month prior. The day that it happened, I was at work. I went on Facebook and changed my cover photo to a picture that said &#8220;Love Wins!&#8221; 10 minutes later, I got a text from my mom telling me to take it down. I reluctantly did knowing she would have choice words for me when she picked me up from work. When that time did come, we had a long back and forth about same-sex marriage and my views vs her views. She still wasn&#8217;t okay with any of it, but she stopped yelling at me and dropped the topic. \u00a0I knew I was going to be starting college soon and that I would be away from my mom. I made a promise to myself that the day I am no longer under her roof and have to worry about her driving to see me, I would come out publicly and post whatever gay stuff I wanted to on Facebook. That day happened on October 24th, 2015. I made a huge post on Facebook and instantly felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders. I had support from so many people, some of whom were family, which really surprised me considering a lot of them were devout Christians. Then my mom tried calling me. I ignored her&#8230; Multiple times. I didn&#8217;t want to deal with her negativity. We eventually texted about it, and she said that she still loves me and that she will try to learn to accept it. On February 5th, 2016, I started dating a guy. I consider it my first actual relationship because it was the first one that I felt like myself in. It was glorious and it lasted 7 months. Whenever I first announced that I had one, people were so supportive. Even my mom. A few weeks before he and I broke up, she met him. And she was nice to him, which really surprised me. What surprised me even more was how she was there for me after the break up. It felt amazing. It was that moment when I realized that I could finally be myself around anyone, including my mom. I didn&#8217;t have to worry about &#8220;being too gay.&#8221; I no longer had to think about every little movement I made or thing I said.<br \/>\nHere I am almost 21, and I rarely ever even think about the fact that I&#8217;m gay. I&#8217;m a person. That&#8217;s all that is on my conscience. I no longer hide it or try to impress others by acting like something else. I am myself, and I am happy with it. I have never felt more free, and to be honest, I think it all has to do with Theatre. I started acting when I was In middle school, and in high school, I started acting at my community theatre. It was there that I began to feel accepted by people. And ever since then, I would always feel accepted and loved whenever I was in a show. I think that by having that support system, even when I didn&#8217;t know I needed it, helped me become more comfortable with who I am. Theatre and seeing the positive reactions to LGBTQ+ topics in media helped me to not worry about anyone caring. I am gay, I am as free as a bird, and I am happy.<\/p>\n[aesop_timeline_stop num=&#8221;Dan&#8221; title=&#8221;Dan&#8221;]\n\n<p>Bisexual.\u00a0Coming out 21, Currently 24. Connecticut.<br \/>\nI think the thoughts were subtle. I wasn\u2019t fully aware of my identity because I was attracted to women so I didn\u2019t always process my attraction to men as that. I deflected when everyone asked if I was gay\/bi and I was very aware of how I was presenting to make sure that people didn\u2019t make comments like that. I was fine with other people being gay but for me it was not an option. Being bi it was easy for me to convince myself that I was straight because of my attraction to women.<br \/>\nNow I would say my identity is frequently on my mind. I definitely want people to know who I am but when it came to starting a new job it was very much something that I felt I had to hide again even with a company that is very open and accepting. There are still people I wanted to feel out to see if I could trust them. Once I came to accept myself I wanted to be visible for other people because I wanted others to see that being who you are is ok. I also find that I have to remind people that I\u2019m bi especially in queer spaces such as a gay bar because people assume that I\u2019m only attracted to men.<\/p>\n[aesop_timeline_stop num=&#8221;Jovanny&#8221; title=&#8221;Jovanny&#8221;]\n\n<p>Bisexual. Came out at\u00a016 years old, 19 now. California.<br \/>\nIt was honestly always on my mind since my teenage years, I grew up without my biological dad, and though I&#8217;ve had a stepdad , never really had a father figure in my life so I never really had a male role model in my life. Being Latino as well also played as a factor on how I was supposed to act because of the whole stereotype that Latin men are supposed to be these macho men who are strong put a lot of pressure on how I was supposed to act and feel. Lastly, I was raised in a very religious family. My family was very close to my uncle who was a pastor so religion played a really big factor in my life. Because of these three factors, I always felt like I needed to act &#8220;straight&#8221; for the majority of my life because it was frowned down upon in my religion and race. Everything I did, I always had to second guess it and wonder &#8220;how am I doing this?&#8221; or &#8220;Is what I&#8217;m doing or the way that I&#8217;m doing it &#8216;gay&#8217; or &#8216;too feminine&#8217; ? &#8221;<br \/>\nNow, having been able to have come out to my mom and brothers and friends, my identity hasn&#8217;t really been on my mind since having to go through so many boundaries in order for me to come out, I&#8217;ve felt like the me now is who I&#8217;m proud to be.<\/p>\n[aesop_timeline_stop num=&#8221;Abby&#8221; title=&#8221;Abby&#8221;]\n\n<p>My name is Abby and I identify as bisexual.<br \/>\nI came out when I was 17 and I am 22 now. I live in Ontario, Canada.<br \/>\nGrowing up, I always thought I was straight as I think most people do. This was all until I met a girl in my German class in high school, and I thought \u201cyup, I have real feelings for a girl. What does that make me?\u201d It was unusual for me, because it was something I had never even considered before meeting her, but it was like an aha! moment and I realized that I was open to being in relationships with women as well as men. I came out to my mom in the car when I was 17, when a Katy Perry song was on the radio (she\u2019s my mom\u2019s only \u201cgirl crush\u201d and I thought that\u2019s how I would breach the subject). It didn\u2019t go as well as I had planned, and it definitely gave me anxiety because obviously it\u2019s nerve-wracking! But now I don\u2019t even think about it. I\u2019m open about my sexuality, and I see men and women both as potential partners. Everyone in my life who needs to know does know, and those who don\u2019t need to know don\u2019t. I don\u2019t feel like it\u2019s the main part of my personality\/identity, but it\u2019s still a part of me that I\u2019m not ashamed of.<br \/>\nHonestly, I don\u2019t think of myself as abnormal or different than anyone else. I\u2019m myself! Sometimes it\u2019s hard, because I have experienced biphobia within both the LGBT community and the hetero community, but thankfully I haven\u2019t had any real negative experiences, other than ignorant people commenting on how it\u2019s \u201chot\u201d and how they \u201cwant to watch\u201d when I tell them my sexuality. I find that a lot of people see it as a fetish or something, and it does bother me when they say things like that. Imagine if the roles were reversed, and a male friend talked to me about his new girlfriend and I said \u201coh you\u2019re straight? That\u2019s totally hot. Would it be creepy if I asked to watch?\u201d Like yes it\u2019s creepy! Bisexuality to me is just being open to romantic and sexual relationships with men and women, but (some) people see it as girls who want attention, or can\u2019t pick a side, which isn\u2019t the case. My family and friends never even bring it up with me really because there are so many more facets to me than my sexual preferences you know?<\/p>\n[aesop_timeline_stop num=&#8221;Chris&#8221; title=&#8221;Chris&#8221;]\n\n<p>Hey my name is Chris, I identify as bisexual. Though I\u2019ve often pretended in my life to either be straight mostly when I forward was younger to avoid being known as \u201cthe gay kid\u201d because I was already picked on for people assuming I wasn\u2019t straight and now later in life I\u2019ve pretended at times to be gay because the LGBT community has a harder time accepting me as bi then the straight community does and it\u2019s just easier than dealing with questions or derogatory statements.<br \/>\nSo that\u2019s a complex question, my parents didn\u2019t find out officially until I was 29. (Though I know they suspected earlier) My friends mostly knew when I was about sixteen ish. I can\u2019t remember an exact moment. But the big one at 29 wasn\u2019t handled well at all. Something I regret because I used my sexuality to try and hurt my conservative mother. I live in Boise, Idaho which doesn\u2019t have the most liberal ideals.<br \/>\nFairly constant honestly. I wouldn\u2019t say it filled my thoughts twenty four seven, but I was constantly afraid some guy would catch me checking them out or I\u2019d be seen as less of a man if people knew. Bring bi I would even try to convince myself to just ignore that side of myself for years because it was just easier to be straight. I didn\u2019t want to have an attraction to men but the more I denied it the more mental health problems I developed and fucked up things I did to myself and others. It wasn\u2019t the easiest road to coming to terms with it. I didn\u2019t want that half of myself and felt sick trying to hide it because I was so terrified of being ostracized or even hated by my family.<br \/>\nAbsolutely. Every time I\u2019m dating a girl I\u2019m forced to remind people I\u2019m bi and vice versa when I\u2019m dating a boy. That or I\u2019m constantly defending my sexuality as valid. Even going as far having to argue that I\u2019m not polyamorous or a whore because I\u2019m bi. Hell I\u2019ve even had people tell me that I can\u2019t be satisfied with monogamy because I\u2019ll always be missing one half which is just utter crap. Coming out doesn\u2019t end either. I\u2019m always having to deal with new people in my life that don\u2019t know and I have to go through it all over again. People act like coming out is this one magical moment that suddenly the world knows and everything is puppies and rainbows. But, it\u2019s not, coming out is an almost daily experience when you meet new people in work and life as they just default assume I\u2019m straight and then I have to introduce them to my boyfriend.<\/p>\n[aesop_timeline_stop num=&#8221;Daniel&#8221; title=&#8221;Daniel&#8221;]\n\n<p>I\u2019m Daniel and I\u2019m gay<br \/>\nI came out as bi when I was in grade 8 but it really didnt feel \u201cright\u201d. Then I did some reflecting and realized my sexual attraction to women was virtually nonexistent. I went to a Christian school in Canada from grades 1-10 so the idea of homosexuality was pretty much repressed and unheard of, so it did take some time to actually realize it.<br \/>\nLike I said, I thought I was bi because there was this girl that I liked but in more of a platonic way. But in grade 8 and 9 I was increasingly developing feelings for this guy named Theo. Erin was ok, lets go to Tim\u2019s and get coffee, fuck yeah. But Theo was like, I really hate talking to you because you\u2019re straight and I really wanna hug you, but you dress like such a douche, and I think you\u2019re absolutely fucking adorable. He left in the middle of grade 9 and I bawled my eyes out, so if that\u2019s not teenage homosexual heartbreak, I don\u2019t know what is.<br \/>\nSo I\u2019m now graduated high school, leaving that christian school to go to 2 different public schools, and one of the things I\u2019ve learned that being gay isn\u2019t really the focus of one\u2019s personality. Yes you can have it as a the focal point, but there really should be something else added onto it so you don\u2019t seem like a shallow asshat who sasses everyone who crosses you (grade 11 taught me this). Add something to yourself whether you\u2019re the type of gay to work out, or watch drag race, or work out and watch drag race. No mature gay guy would give two shits if you\u2019re more sporty, or fashionable, or less into mainstream gay culture; afterall the only commonality that we all have is that we like men. That\u2019s it.<br \/>\nAnother thing I\u2019ve learned is that even if you\u2019re 100% out and completely proud of it, you still might have that underlying fear of being judged. This is coming from my time in grade 12 where I went to literally the whitest school in the city. I\u2019m obviously not white, so being a dual minority was a bit of a challenge. The guys were jocks, hockey and football, fragile masculinity was rampant. My backpack had a print of one of the cats from Neko Atsume, and the amount of \u201coh fuck are people judging me what do I do is this a mistake why am I here\u201d\u2019s that came into my head was huge. I came into the school knowing literally zero people out of around 1600, and basically plastering that I was the new gaysian first seemed like a big mistake. Then later in the year I made friends that were accepting of it, joined the Model UN club, Yearbook, played rugby as the only gay kid on the team, and learned that \u201cOk, I\u2019m gay. They\u2019re not. If someone does something to wrong me, it\u2019s nothing that they can do to affect my future. If they do something, it\u2019s going to be temporary and I dont have the emotional capacity to care.\u201d<br \/>\nFrom what I\u2019ve seen and experienced, being gay is a constant evolution in learning and self control. You own how you react to the world judging you. Personally? Back straight, shoulders back, head high, think murder, walk, and move on. Keep yourself open to positive change in your life.<br \/>\nAnd remember, it doesn\u2019t matter if you go clubbing on a friday night, workout, work on hair, work in a lab, or work in an auto body shop: we all like men. That\u2019s literally the only commonality. Don\u2019t let any other gay tell you you\u2019re less gay for not doing something they do. You do you, hallelu.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The shift in consciousness of one&#8217;s sexual identity before and after &#8220;coming&#8221; out.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":37,"featured_media":1422,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1382","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-playground","aesop-entry-content"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jolineblais.net\/tributaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1382","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jolineblais.net\/tributaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jolineblais.net\/tributaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jolineblais.net\/tributaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/37"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jolineblais.net\/tributaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1382"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/jolineblais.net\/tributaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1382\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1407,"href":"https:\/\/jolineblais.net\/tributaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1382\/revisions\/1407"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jolineblais.net\/tributaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1422"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jolineblais.net\/tributaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1382"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jolineblais.net\/tributaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1382"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jolineblais.net\/tributaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1382"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}